♥ Gp's Peek-a-boo ♥

2011-03-13T14:16:00.005+08:00

It's been a long time since I last update my blog. And so many things happened in between that made me so tired. I'm glad that things are so much better now. Somehow I just don't feel tired now. I can actually feel happiness. Yess. Like seriously, happiness. Hmm. Not that I don't feel it before this. Maybe lesser but now things ain't the same as last time. Though things weren't that good, at least there's some sweet moments. Maybe it's just because there's too many things to do that's why all of that are gone? Oh well. Forget bout that.

Tomorrow is my Organisation and Human Resource exam. And I haven't even started reading it yet. Wooo! I was working yesterday at Sunshine Square. I was rushing so I forgot bout my sweater. I was freezing and shivering there =/ Shit Sunshine. Make the whole frozen area so cold. Then he bought me sweater. Hee. Thank you (: Appreciate it! I wanted to do something. But I'm not sure if it'll work out or not. Hmm. I need help from someone too. Hope that it'll turn out to be good *pray*

Time to study! =D Will update more.

Stomach

2010-11-26T23:55:00.002+08:00

Stomach oh stomach. Please please stop aching. I'm dying already =( I need to study! And there is presentation next week and I have to do it. Plus Macro test. SUPER a lot of pages to study weihh. But, I'm sick. At the wrong time. Aahhhh! I have no time to waste. I already plan everything. Now because of this shit sickness, I delayed everything. WHAT LAAA! I had a bit fever yesterday and today it's gone. But I feel like vomiting, headache and everything!! It's like old lady. Everywhere pain. =.= I need my body to heal. PLEASE GO AWAY! God help me. I really and seriously need to be okay by tomorrow. Lots of things waiting for me to finish it. I don't wanna screw up my Macro test.

This week was Accounts and IT test. Both of it suck to the end! I AM SERIOUS! First time I look at accounts paper and I was like, WHAT THE HELL. My brain is like not functioning at all =/ I tried to balance it. Don't know if I'm right or not. As for IT, I screw up the whole paper I guess. Can't even remember what I studied. I'm so dead right? Sighh.

I better go sleep. Stomach killing me again =.= Night

2010-11-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

ARGHH! I just use the hearts (♥) to write the word 'I Love U'. Spend so much time doing it and I post it up the whole thing is gone. Grrr! =(( Angry now. Seriously stupid!! Feel like smacking blogspot =.=

BRRRRRR! KILL YOU!!!

2010-11-19T21:46:00.003+08:00

Next week is a busyyyy week. Ughh. Two exams. Which is IT and Accounts. I sure die =/ IT is hard. I hate studying IT. Somehow it doesn't attract me. Sigh. I hope I don't screw up my CGPA because of IT. Here I come IT ;) I will master you. And delete you right after the exam is over. Lol. I just realise nearly everyone is having holidays now. My friend from other college having their finals soon already. Which means their break is very soon. Why didn't I have my break? =( Everyone enjoying I need to study. Especially my siblings. They're playing everyday and I have to study everyday. Distracting me. Haha.

I'm working tomorrow. Money money = SHOPPING! I seriously can't wait to go shop. AAHHHH! Paradise. :) Shop till I drop. I just bought a new handbag. Woohoo! But I haven't seen my bag yet. It's with my friend. Lol.

It's 2months now :) Wonder if he remember or not. Hmm. I guess he didn't even know today is the 19th. And I just made him angry yesterday. Stupid status. I don't mean to make him angry. I just post it up cause it look fun. And I just think of him and my girl friends to like so that I can post it on their wall. I don't mean to attract attention and other ppl to come and like it. I know he doesn't like it that guy post such things on my wall. I need to think before doing things next time. To prevent this things from happening again. And then, somehow my tears dropped just now. I think I know why. Yet I don't know. Hmm. Should be because I feel like I'm forcing him to change to the way I like. And stopping him from things he wants to do. =/ I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel everything I do is wrong. =(
I feel I always ki siao. And I know he doesn't like it. I already try my best. I can feel that I become much more better compare to last time. Or maybe it's just my feeling? Last time, my anger won't go away that fast. Now, the moment he talk to me properly, my anger will be gone already. How does this even happen? Human's brain is so weird. Hmm. I don't get angry that easily too already :) I can control now.

Time to do some revision. Exam coming. Wish me luck :)

Happy 2months. I love you ♥

2010-11-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

My wii =( It's gone now. I made a deal with dad. If my bro get 5A's in his UPSR, he buy us Wii. Now there's no more Wii cause my bro did not get 5A's. Ughh! I thought he can get it. But well, I guess he made some mistakes during the exam or he wasn't concentrating. Sighh. I feel so sad. My dad go rent Wii from his friend for us to play this holiday. I mean their holiday. Lol. No holiday for me =/ So, I'll be enjoying Wii till end of this year. =D

I'm working nearly every weekends now. Finding money to shop!! Shopping is my life ;) It's been so long since I last shopped. Can't wait to shop again. Shoes is the best. I prefer buying shoes than clothes somehow. I don't know why I just have more passion for shoes than clothes. Maybe because most of the clothes doesn't suit my size. So I prefer buying shoes cause most of it suits me. But there's one bad thing too. My leg is too small. Kinda hard to find my size =.= Seems like everything is hard for me. Lol. I should grow more. Aiyaa. I should be satisfied already.

Accounts presentation tomorrow! And I haven't even get ready for it yet. Lol. Discussing now. Byee.

2010-11-09T15:55:00.000+08:00

I just realise that the year is going to end very very soon. I saw someone posted something in Facebook that is why I realise that. Whenever it is year end, it only reminds me of something. And I can't believe that it has been two years already. Wow. Time really flies. I went to that person's profile and I'm glad everything is good for that person. I don't really hate that person already. It just 'wow' me that it has been so long since I last listen to that person's voice and also the person's face from near. Of course I've met that person at other place after that. But it's not near. Somehow it just gives me weird feelings. I never thought that incident would happen. It happened and I just can't believe that it's been soooo longggg. =O And I never thought I could actually carry on my life so well without that person. I depend so much on that person that I lost control of everything when that person is gone. Now, I'm not anymore [=

It's already the 7th week of college. Half of the semester gone. Another final exam coming soon and I'm so not ready yet. Information technology and systems really suck and I'm kinda worried for that subject. Hmmm. Having Introduction to Organization and Management exam this thursday. Then on saturday, there will be an English summary writing. Oh goshh. All the best to myself ;)

Byee. Gotta go study for my exam d. =DD

2010-10-14T19:45:00.002+08:00

Finally updating it [= So many things happen in this few weeks.

Start with college. My 3 weeks sem break is awesomeee. Enjoyed myself hanging out with friends =D It's awesome! Wooo. I spend my 3 weeks at home doing nothing. Wanted to work but oh well. I'm lazy as usual. Lol. Now it's the 3rd week after sem break already. This sem subjects are harder compared to the first sem =/ There's IT too. Oh gosh. I hate IT. Though I'm using IT things. =p The other subjects are okay for now. Accounts. Hmm. Some of it I didn't study before. So this sem would be much harder for me already. Macro is. Speechless. All calculation and I feel micro is sooo much easier. The lecturers teach super fast too. One lecture they teach 10pages plus =/ We DO NOT have a robot brain. Our brain needs time to digest all the information. Crazy lecturers! Trying to kill us =.= More and more assignments are coming up. And I haven't been studying since the first day of class. I'm still lazy and laptop is really a distraction. Plus with games =/ I seriously don't know how to control myself. Someone control me PLEASE!! English presentation is soon. I have to get ready for it already. Talking about chocolates. Mmmmm. Yummy!

The rest of my life is just. Hmm. How do I describe it? Good? Yeaa. I guess that is the word. Can't say it's awesome or it's bad. Well, start with 19th Sept. That was a special day to me. Something that I never thought would happen so soon. It's UNEXPECTED! I know something about that person. And it makes me feel happy to be the first one to experience that. [= I'm lucky ;) And the details I should keep it to myself. I am enjoying every moment of it. And I will continue enjoying it.

Next is this guy. He told me he love me. I didn't really suspect so much cause I thought he is down that's why need someone to talk to him. He suddenly keep texting me and buy me things. Even ask me out. So yea. I went out with him. And he make things complicated for me. I treat him as a VERY GOOD FRIEND of mine. And nothing more. I told him that he came at the wrong time. If he come before May, maybe he still got the chance. I know him for so long already and now he suddenly come tell me he realise I was there for him all the time. Since last time till now. I know last time he helped me a lot when I was down. He was the one that keep asking me not to be sad and be strong. He was the one who was there for me when I need someone. He did ask me out last time, but somehow I just don't dare to go out with him last time. Now he ask me go out, I don't feel that anymore. I wonder why I got such feelings last time. o.O It's weird. And last time, everytime I see him I feel weird. Who cares about it now. It's the past. I don't want to hurt him. So I leave things the way it is. And just let him give up himself. I still have another function to go with him. If things get very awkward, I don't know how to face him during the function. It'll be very weird. Plus the function wouldn't be an hour or what. It'll be the whole night. Like 3 hours =/ I hope things will be fine. And I know that person doesn't like it. All I can say is. Don't worry. My feelings is still the same.

The end [= Movie time =D

Happy Independence Day

2010-08-31T22:12:00.002+08:00

The title got nothing to do with this post. And I don't know what this post is going to be about. Lol. Random me. Just feel like blogging out of a sudden. =D Went out the whole day today. Bought my formal shirt too. Woo! Love it. Still need to find for my skirt. All of it too loose. Ughh! It's not fit at all. And I already took the smallest size =.= Sucks. Hate it when I can't find the right size for the things I want. Especially shoes. Love shoes so much <3 Shopping for shoes is just soo fun.

Better continue studying. Didn't study the whole day today =/ Night [=

Hmm. I wonder what is that person going to say

Update

2010-08-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

Time to update after neglecting it for so long. I'm having my finals right now. Finished my first paper already and I'm kinda proud with it. Maybe cause I know how to do. And I don't know why I don't feel worried for this exam at all. I got no feeling. Like so relaxed =/ I don't think it's very good to be so relaxed. But I like to be like that. I still study and work hard but not worried =DD

Birthday just pass. And I got a baby guinea pig for my birthday. A birthday present from my guinea pig ;) Love them so much. I have to wake up early in the morning to go pass up my PTPTN loan. Ughh. How wonderful. Out of all days, they choose that day. Luckily it didn't took a very long time. If not, I'll really go crazy and ruin my day. Then, I was out till evening [= Enjoyed the moment. It was like a normal outing but it's somehow different. Maybe because I'm with that person <3 Got a bear from that person. Wooo! New bear added to my collections. Lol. The day before my birthday. Went out for dinner with family. The day after my birthday with friends. Love all of them so muchhh. It was fun to go out with them. Went to Hard Rock Hotel. First time there. And also went to eat German's food. The thought of it makes me feel hungry now. Yumm. Super delicious

That's my update for now. Kinda tired after cracking my brain for exam. Sleeping time and tomorrow will be another studying day =( I still enjoy studying. Better than working. Looking forward to my sem break ;D

Redwan Ali - Would You Be There

2010-08-04T21:29:00.001+08:00

If I were blue, would you be there for me,
And whisper in my ears that's ok.
Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,
And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,
And touch my lips with tender loving care,
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I am away, would you still think of me,
And wished that you could hold me now.
Would you die for me, would you run with me,
All the way ...

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there ..... for me ...

Lyrics taken from http://www.lyriczz.com/lyrics/redwan-ali/45158-would-you-be-there/

A nice song. Really meaningful ;)

2010-08-03T23:20:00.002+08:00

I want to watch Salt movie. Super want to watch. And also Inception. Arghh. I need time and also money to watch that!! Helppp! I'm so gonna watch this two movie. It's like a must watch movies.

My birthday is coming soon. I'm not sure what is my birthday wish this year. But what I can list now is this :

1. To be that person's special person
2. A camera
3. Everything in my life goes smoothly [=

2010-08-02T19:07:00.002+08:00

Feeling down again. Sighh. I don't know what to say. Everytime sure will end up feeling down. I didn't really talk just. It's like soo quiet. I didn't talk that person didn't talk too. So it's like, sitting down and stare at things. I know it feels weird not talking but I don't feel like talking to that person. Seriously. I don't like when that person keep changing decisions. I know it's that person's nature and no point I complain bout it. I still need to complain. Never mind. Skip that.

Watched Chloe. The movie sucks. It was complicated and they drag the whole movie. Ishh. And out of all, it's about LESBIANS! Then, there is a scene where girl and girl kissed. Damn gross. Haha. But in between the movie, it was fun. Well, watching with the person you like of course does make things feel better. No matter how bad the movie is, I still enjoyed it.

My finals is coming soon. As in like very very soon. I haven't start studying yet. I need to start studying and less on laptop already. I always on laptop and play Facebook game. Goshh. Need to stop. STOP!! Studies more important. I'll go to lecture tomorrow. I might be alone but I'll still go. I don't want let ppl's decision influence me

What The ...

2010-07-25T17:23:00.002+08:00

Okay. This guy is giving me weird reactions o.O I mean normal friends don't do that, do they? Crap laa. I feel so bad. Is he jealous? He sound jealous to me. Should stop talking about this kind of things with him. *breathe breathe* He's a friend who is jealous I treat other guy better. Yea yea. That must be it. Okayy. Everything is settled. =( It's NOT! Arghh. *faint* Act normal. Yeaaa. This is the only way [=

2010-07-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

After so many emo post, I'm blogging a not emo one =p I miss someone. Random me. Lol. College life seems better now. I feel less stress already. Maybe because the scary exams are over. And also the assignments are the easy ones only. Not the one which need us to crack head and think bout it. I'm glad. Plus plus, finals is another week time only. Scared and also glad is ending soon. Time flies. One sem going to finish already. =/ I don't want it to finish so fast. =(( Don't want to go working life that fast!

College means classmates. Well, there's this guy in my class. Erm, should I call him a guy or a girl? Or maybe half? I'm not trying to discriminate him. But he really annoy ppl. He treat everyone as if the whole world owe him something. he only treat some of us nicely. The same group ppl with him. Which is my assignment group ppl. That is the only ppl who he talk to and treat nicely. The rest of them, he look and stare at them. He talk to them in a weird way =/ It makes me feel bad cause I'm mixing with such kind of ppl. All of them are my classmates too. He just talk to them as if they did something to him =.= I want to avoid him already. The way he wear his shirt is like =.= And also his sooooo damn wonderful recycling bag. Oh wonderful. Can't he just say he want to put his bag in one of our cars. There's three car there. He can't put at his motor he can put in one of our car. Not as if there is some valueable things in the bag. It's only books =.= He button up all his buttons and put up his collar =.= Seriously, this is just SOOO NERD! I am not a person who can stand nerd. I will feel weird walking beside them. I know I'm evil. But I don't care. He discriminate my classmates. I'll discriminate him. And he follow where we walk. We walk to the right, he follows. We walk to the left, he follow too. As if we're magnets pulling him around. What the.... We tried to shoo him away but it just doesn't work =/ We're always the last one to go out from class. Somehow, I don't know why. Maybe because after each class, we'll sit and talk instead of packing things and go out. Then, he'll stand there and wait for us =( My way of asking him to go away. "Can you pleaseee don't be a light bulb. We need to have some private time together" This only work when other classmates are not around. Lol. I should stop talking bad about him/her already. Seriously he's so gay. I guess he need a mental checkup. Some mental prob. Ppl ask him do survey, he'll ask this and that. Ask till that person say it's ok don't have to do already. Gosh. They're tarcians too. What can they do? And ppl give brochure. He also ask this and ask that. He ask in a way that make ppl feel he's very annoying. Somehow he has the way. Gosh. Okayy. Really stopping now =/

You make me smile yet you make me down =]/=(

2010-07-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

I just realise so many things happen in two days time. It started with that person got angry. Thanks to my stare =.= I didn't know I give that stare but I did. And I made that person got mad. The first time I see that person got mad at me. Hmm. And well, somehow when I asked for the reason I knew it wasn't because of other people that person got mad. There's something else. At last that person told me the truth. I am really sorry if I gave that stare. It's the same when that person mention things that made me sad too. That person didn't realise it too. Not gonna talk about it. Then at night, I started to think about what my sis said to me. Is she right? I think of what I-Lyn said to me too. Did I really go beyond that? Should I keep back? I am happy when I'm with that person. Sometimes I wish that day wouldn't end so that I have more time cause I don't know how tomorrow will be. But when it comes to questions, I don't know how to answer. I can't answer we are couple and I can't answer we're not when we look like one =.= Gahh. Everyone thought we are when we are not. I mean they assume that we are already.

Now, I'm down. I was happy. Really very. Till just now. When I realise that person can give up time for friends but not me. I'm not trying to say that person can't mix with friends and I do understand it's hard to plan an outing with friends. To make that outing happen, everyone needs to be free. But my things aren't happening so soon. It'll only be happening again next year. it's NEXT YEAR! And I'm sure I ask that person out first before that person's friends does. Isn't it people who book first get the place? Why is it different for that person? Why sacrifice my part to do other things? We find for time. If that person really cares, I guess that person will find time and not give reasons. I'm not trying to be not understanding here. It's not the first time I'm getting such answers. I guess next time I will not ask that person out already. I'll just wait for that person to ask. That person wants to be passive then I'll be passive too. I'm sick of being active all the time.

I'm gonna start complain about college life again. Really so busy =/ There's only a few weeks left to final exam. It's sooo fast. One sem gonna finish already. Did time just fly? Can it crawl?? I hope it can. Hmm

My birthday is coming soon [= I'm not that excited for this year's birthday. I don't know. Maybe cause I'm down now so I don't feel excited. I want a camera now. How I wish I'll get a camera. Birthday means I'll be officially 18years old already. It feel so old to be 18 =/ I'm getting older. Is that a good thing or a bad one?

Night.. It's late and I better go to sleep already.

Disappointed

2010-07-14T19:16:00.003+08:00

I am disappointed again. Sighh. I mean this is not the first time this thing happened. I don't want to say it but then, I don't know le. I don't want to make things become bad or anything. But if I don't say it, my heart doesn't feel well. That is the thing. Should I say or should I not? I'm really confused. I kinda look forward towards it but now I'm being let down. GAHHH! Seriously, I hate the feeling. What am I doing? Dealing with something that never happened to me before. Hmm. Or maybe I used to do that to people. Now I'm getting it back? Is it so? Nooo. Anyone can do that to me but not that person le. I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING LET DOWN! I should ask the person who I did this to before. I guess it's the same feeling as I am now. Okayyy. Now I feel bad already. This is really not a good feeling. I'm so sorry to the person who I did this to. I mean that person wouldn't know I'm apologising, but at least I did. So I don't feel that bad doing this to that person. It's not like I mean it.

Life

2010-07-11T10:14:00.001+08:00

There's been a lot of things happening in my life currently. College is one of it. And the worst. I am so sick of it. I thought it would be more relaxing. But I don't feel relaxed. It's like every week I have assignments or exams or presentation to do. I never have a week which is free from all those work since the week 5 of my college week. Now, the prom night is coming soon. I still haven't make decision whether to go or not to go. It's kinda stupid from what I heard, All we gonna do there is to sit and watch performance. There won't be any food. Plus it's from 5.30 until 10pm. This will seriously cause me to sleep in it. 4 hours plus in the hall with FORMAL clothes just to watch performance =.= It's on Monday the thing is. How am I supposed to get ready? I can't go back home get ready then only go back to college. My class finishes at 3pm on Monday. It's gonna be super rushy. Maybe I'll consider going next year. Since next year will be my last year already [=

That person [= Things been going well with that person. I was sad the other day because of what that person said again. I don't know why everything that person said will make me sad. I mean most of the things le. Not all. =.= I was suprised that person can even spell my name wrongly. Spelled another person's name (kinda same name but different spelling). I don't know what is their relationship but I guess it must be someone kinda special to that person. I saw the same name person in that person's phone. Hmm. And yea. I finally know that person's feeling towards me. I'm happy it's a good thing. If not, I don't know how am I gonna face that person. There is some thing that I can say may stop us from being together. I really hope that something wouldn't happen and I am kinda scared. Plus, the person still haven't really forget about the past. I guess I should just wait till that person forget about the past before I step in more. I know it's not easy but I hope that person can forget about it. I will wait [= That person might not be my bai ma wang zi. But that person somehow just managed to take away every bit of my heart. It feels good to be beside that person. That person talk without thinking, so there's a lot of things he said that kinda hurt me but well, I still feel ok except for certain things =/

I know sometimes when I'm sad, I'll ignore that person. Same when I'm angry. I know that person don't know what to do when I ignore. I don't talk to that person when that person talks to me. I just stare and talk to other people. Somehow, I know it's not a good thing but I just don't feel like talking to that person. When I'm sad and it's because of what that person said, I can't talk to that person. I'll start to feel even sad. And I seriously don't wanna cry in front of that person anymore. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I hope you'll understand. I feel bad too I ignored you. Sometimes, when that person said something, I just feel that I got no more hope. It's like that person doesn't care about me. I always think that much. I'm crazy. That's a fact that is undeniable. Human make mistakes. I know that.

It's study time. Bye. Gonna update my blog as soon as I'm free again [=

It's gonna be two months already we know each other [=

2010-06-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

This is how my new car look like. Love it. Thanks Dad and Mum.

2010-06-14T17:25:00.002+08:00

This is going to be a short post. I said I won't online anymore. STUDY! [= I'm so happy these few days. I love it and hope the feeling will last forever. It's 14th today. 1 month ♥ Time flies. It passes so fast. I didn't realise that. I don't want time to pass so fast.

And the sad thing is I cried because of that person. That person wants to know why I cry but I don't know how to tell. It is because of something that person said. It definitely shows that person still misses or loves the ex. Out of so many surname in this world and that person chose that. I don't think I think too much. I guess there must be more than 100 surnames in the world? Why that? The feeling gets stronger and I can feel it. But deep inside who knows what that person is thinking about.

I am still happy and I will remain that happy. I felt it already and I guess it doesn't matter that much already if in the future that person doesn't choose me. The feeling is there and I know it [=

I never said this to that person. And I don't dare to. I'll say it here
I am falling for you ♥

2010-06-08T11:30:00.001+08:00

Tear drop because of that person. How can I fall so fast? =( I'm scared. I want to ask that person but I can't. Must be confident! Things will go the way I want it to be I guess if another person didn't come back. If that person go back to the previous life, then it is me being stupid.

Assignments to be done by this week and I haven't start writing my essay =/ No idea how to write. I have to start from the beginning. I'll have to imagine then. Imagination ;) I imagine too many things. [=

I'm falling for you but you don't know and i don't think you have feeling towards me
=] Control

2010-06-01T11:53:00.002+08:00

I just realise there's a lot of homework and assignments to be done and I'm super lazy. Why?? Aaahhhhh. I know why. Interviewing people should be fun I guess. New experience. Something that I might enjoy =p I hope the owner of the shop I'm going to interview is a nice person. I don't want to deal with owners who is moody and not friendly one. One assignments to be passed up by next next week. And that time, I'll be having my first microeconomics exam. It's just a small exam but it's scary to have my first exam in college. Another new experience [= My hubungan etnik assignment is stupid. I suddenly don't know how to find points for that topic. It's so complicated and I think it's easy to be out of topic =O I'll faint if I get bad marks for that assignment.

Mum been asking who I text with so much lately. Didn't I text that much before this? Hmmm... I don't feel any difference. I always text that much and some of the people I used to text with everyday stopped texting me already. And it's taken over by a new person. So what is the difference? One go and one come. Isn't it the same? Maybe I don't reply people as often as now. I used to ignore people messages before this and I only reply the person who I feel like replying =p The rest of them will have to wait till I'm in a good mood then I'll reply. Why am I talking about this? =.=

My feelings are becoming weird. Unexplainable. Complicated too I feel. I don't know why but I just feel it's kinda complicated. Things go until this stage but no action is taken. And also I don't know that person's feeling too. What I thought is true might be wrong. I never feel so not confident about someone feeling towards me. Am I thinking too much? They told me I should just go with the flow. But I don't want to get too deep then end up get hurt. The feeling will be so bad. ='( I love hanging out with that person. It feels weird not to see that person for a day. Yet it feels sad when I don't know what is going to happen. I don't have the slightest idea about the future. I want to ask God about my future. How do I do that? Thinking of the impossible things =/

Assignment and homework time. College life isn't that easy =/ But I still love it.

2010-05-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

You make me smile [=
Thank You

That talk really made me cried. My tears drop without me realising how sad it is to talk about that to you. Now that I know more, things wouldn't be the same anymore I guess. Things are just temporary. It's all just a dream. When I wake up, things wouldn't be the same anymore. Though you make me happy and laugh, you made me sad and feel hurt too.

*I will wake up from my dream soon

2010-05-28T08:59:00.002+08:00

1. I can't donate my blood because of I'm under 45kg.
2. I am feeling sad and I want to go out from house
3. I have to wake up. The feelings is coming back. Exactly the same feeling I used to have. Just that it's not the same person anymore
4. I'm having shaky legs because of the Wesak Day thing. I can't go down the stairs properly
5. I need to walk properly. Open my eyes to look at roads. Stop falling again
6. I have to try to contact lesser with that person. Unless I know what is that person thinking about. Sighh. It's hard to find out. Sometimes I wonder that person treat me as a friend or more than that.
7. Why do I care about those feelings? Didn't I said I want to concentrate on studies?????
8. I feel like hurting myself again. Damn it =/
9. I paint my nails to college and my parents say I go college to attract guys not study =.=
10. My mum remind me to STUDY and don't pak toh or have any other feelings. And I'm already having those feelings. Is it even possible to take it back?? I don't think so.
11. I have to stop waking up in the middle of the night. Seriously, I have to stop worrying =( It makes me feel tired in the morning.
12. Promise = Sad = NO

My listttt. =.= It's so stupid. I went out yesterday for my group's outing. Summer [= Funny and also Shrek movie is sooo nice! Wonderful movie. Love shrek so much ;) Before the movie, we went to Sakae Sushi. I was suprised they charge for the tea and also the tissues =.= I think I won't go there anymore. Maybe I will after I forget about it. Then movies. Nice movie =D LOVE IT! proceed to after movie. went to a restaurant? beside Coffee Island. Cockroaches went up my friend's leg. She was shouting so loud that the other table's people was looking at us as if we're mad. The guys were scared of it too. Lol. Except for Alex. Funny part. She freaked out. Ughh. Luckily the cockroach did not choose me. =D

This is the thing that has been worrying me a lot. Things started to happen when I was in college. When I start knowing that person. I hate thinking about it. The reason why I always wake up middle of the night I guess. Sigh. I hope I don't have to but after talking about that particular topic with that person, it really scares me. I don't know about that person. Obviously I know about that person interest and things like that. But not feelings. That is the thing I want to know yet don't want to know. What if the outcome is not what I expected? Things will be very weird after that. It wouldn't be the same anymore. I enjoy the laughter and everything that we shared but I don't know where it'll lead to. What if those things lead to those bad past? =( I'm kinda scared. I know I shouldn't be thinking about that. But I just cant control it. Those happy moments look like it'll be gone when I wake up. I still can't believe that it is not a dream. Those moments. [= Something that I would like to keep but I know things like that don't last. I shouldn't say so much. I don't want it to be so obvious yet I want it to be. This is me. I can't make up my mind. I want to spend all my time with that person. But it doesn't seem right. Things are getting complicated and I shouldn't have those feelings THAT FAST! I'll just go with the flow. Hope things go where I want it to be [=

Assignments are #$^&*(# I don't like it. Okayy. It's not bad. I'm the lazy one that is why I'm complaining, Oh well. Haha. Lotsa hw to do. One day holiday means we got more work than usual. Oh gosh. I better start working instead of blogging. And also studying instead of thinking of those things.

Hw time ;) Remember to do your homework too BIG BABY xP

2010-05-22T20:11:00.001+08:00

woot. i'm back again. college started for a week already. and it's kinda fun except for my English class. She make me hate the class =( I don't wanna hate the class. Actually, I don't know why I hate the class also =.= I'm just weird. I got perli because of my CUTE size. Haha. I'm cute aren't I? *self perasan* lalala. I'm not happy with my size but I'm used to those perli stuff. =D

Things happen in this few days. Skipping that part. Not important though [=

The bad part was I've been blocked again. This time I sms him and asked him what does he want. As expected he did not reply. So I decide to forget bout it. Not important to me anymore. Ruin my mood on that day =/

I got nothing to say now. Gahh. Brain is blank. =O Gotta help sis with her folio. As if I'm doing the folio instead of her =.= Andd, I got assignment already. NOOOOO. I don't know why but I'm having weird feelings. This is bad. Always happen to me. Does everyone got the feeling? Or I'm the weird one with those weird feelings all the time? Shoo the feeling away. It's better to be feeling-less I guess. Then I won't have to think what is wrong with me =.=

Night. I better start doing her folio =(

Happy Mother's Day, Happy Tzu Chi Day and Wesak Day

2010-05-09T18:13:00.001+08:00

I woke up at 5am today. Super sleepy. The feeling of waking up early really suck. And i slept at 1am which means I only sleep for like 4 hours =/ Went to Tzu Chi for the bathing Buddha ceremony. The thing started at 6am and ended about 8.30 am. Then, after the ceremony is over, the ppl from Butterworth came. So it's their turn to continue with the ceremony. My sis had to stay there to assist them as they do not know how to do the things and everything. Of course the way is not the same as the normal bathing Buddha thing. While waiting for my sister, we were asked to do the tea ceremony. Since it's Mothers' Day, the kids were asked to serve Mum tea. Besides that, we also use a handkerchief to wipe our mum's face. Then kneel down to serve them tea. I took some picts too and then while walking around Tzu Chi I also took a few pict. It was a special day and indeed I had fun there even though waking up early is soo not me.

Bro giving mum her tea. I asked him to take pict of me but he ended saying I can't take. Can't fit =.=

Mum drinking my tea. Bro is really a bad photographer =.=

After drinking tea ceremony. Mum [=

The seat in front of the lift

Before going up the stairs

Stairs [=

The place where everyone gather to bath the Buddha and it is taken from where I'm waiting for my sis. Blocked by the trees =.=

Bamboos

Bro with bamboos (and his tummy =p)

Yesterday
Gahh. I hate it. I found out that actually my ex been blocking me using his younger brother's Facebook account. Of course he did blocked me too le. Sometimes I don't know what is he up to actually. Then, his brother started talking to me in MSN. He asked for my Facebook name so I gave him but he said he can''t find me. Same goes to me. He went to check his blocked list and yes, I was blocked like what I thought. He unblocked me until yesterday or the day before, he went to his brother's account and blocked me again. I was so pissed off with him. His brother of course unblocked me. He seriously need to respect ppl's privacy. His brother feels that he do so is because of he's scared I'll ruin his relationship. So i was thinking, does he think I still like him or something. Do I really need to do that? This really make me think awhile is he being too perasan or something =.= I do not care bout him. As long as I'm happy with the people around me, I'll continue mixing with them. After that, I went to Tzu Chi to practice the next day bathing Buddha steps. It wasn't that easy and also not too hard. But under the hot sun really make it harder. So long didn't stand under the hot sun already.

Tomorrow, which is later is my college orientation day. I feel lazy when think of need to wake up early. I really will miss the feeling of sleeping late and waking up late. Plus with nothing to do at home except for playing games, guinea pigs and watching movies. That is really fun. Start of college means studying, serious, waking up early =/

Night. Better sleep early [=

Games Games Games

2010-05-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

The title of this post is obviously about the game I'm so addicted to. I just only finish playing the game. Trying sooo hard to level up. Gahh. I need to stop playing so much. Before this was movies movies movies and now its games games games =.= I guess I'm just too free that I need to find things to do. Luckily there's a story book for me to read. I'm so worried that I'll spoil my eyes thanks to too much of tvss and laptopss. College is going to start REAL soon. I'm not sure if I'm even ready for it or not.

I've been complaining about no money but I wouldn't go work. There were many outings and I rejected most of it. Mostly because of no transport and no money. I need to keep money because my guinea pig needs food and also I need food. One of the reason why I'm so free. Cause I've been staying at home EVERYDAY! I don't even go out. Sometimes I follow my mum to fetch my siblings. Sometimes I fetch them. That is the only time I go out. Weekends supposed to be going out. But I did not because I have to stay at home with my chicky pox bro. Take care of him =.= He can't even control himself. I ask him to take it as on diet period since he's so fatt. I feel he look like Doraemon =O Oh. He call himself 'chicken pox human'. We laughed when he said that. Plus with his expression. =D

Time to read story book and sleep. Night

Bad day

2010-04-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

I guess today is an unlucky day to me. Woke up late as usual. Then, bro came back from school and mum told me he may be having chicken pox. My sis started avoiding him. And he, want to play people by touching her and everything. I followed him and mum to General Hospital to make sure if he's really having chicken pox. I follow because my mum asked me to? I don't know why she ask me to go also. Weird to me. I always wanted to ask the doctor one silly question. Why can't I grow taller. I really went to ask the doctor. My mum say the doctor will laugh at me. And yes. The doctor did feel suprised with my question. Haha. I know that is the silliest thing ever. I cannot not ask the doctor. The only chance to my question. Finally, the answer is not what I want to hear. Sigh. The doctor ask me how tall is my parents. I say my mum is about my height. There it goes. Doctor say.. Oh it's normal because your parents isn't that tall. And also you're now 18 years old already. It's hard for you to grow already. My only hope is gone now =( Bro is confirmed with his chicky pox =/ And he sleep in the same room as me. NOOOO! Bad i know. Pray nothing will happen to me

Night as usual I got yoga class with Pei Ying. Went to fetch her. Mum scold again. Sigh. She say go up her house hill will waste a lot of petrol. Gahh. I wasn't paying much attention already because of her scolding. So I drive the way I like. While listening to Autumn's Concerto songs. The movie song is stuck in my head already. Like super stuck.

Watching the movie makes me feel lonely. Maybe it is because I'm single for so long already that is why I got such weird feeling. I don't like it but I guess it'll go away soon. This feeling always happen whenever I watch some love movie. I've been reminded that everything that happen in movie is not real. I know it isn't real but I really love dreaming about it. Sound so funny to dream of something that is impossible =.=

Continue with yoga.. Fetch PY time i had to reverse to go out. Instead of pressing the brake I pressed the fuel one. The whole car move super fast behind. I think I didn't press the brake hard enough that made the car knocked into a motor behind my car. I was still blur. I didn't know I knocked the motor until I look at PY's face. The motor belongs to the guard =( I really wasn't paying attention. Sigh. I apologise to the man and he was so angry. He scolded me. I know I'm careless. I just apologise non-stop and drive away after he pull his motor up. While driving to the yoga place, I nearly bang into a car that was stopping in front of me =/ And the n when want to park my car tyre scratched the side of the road. OMG. I'm really sleeping that time. I don't know the scratch mark on the car happen because of me or it was there all along =( I really hope it's not my fault. The mark there is really deep

Watching Princess and The Frog now. It's so hard to find the chinese name of this movie. Sound weird right why I have to find chinese name of the movie. That is because I'm watching it using PPStream =D Chinese is the only word that can be seen. I found it at last and now time to watch movie. I know it's late but movies are nice plus the fact that I'm having a chicky pox bro sleeping in my room make me don't feel like sleeping at all. Night people. Movie time -.^

Happy Belated Birthday to Dad and Mum

2010-04-26T15:55:00.000+08:00

Parents birthday just pass. Ughh. Time pass so fast and I'm so bored now. My movie finish already. No more interesting or nice movie to watch already. Autumn's Concerto is really a nice movie! I know the movie is kinda long ago. It's like last year's movie. I'm always that outdated. I am watching the movie again. Crazy already. Now watching it with english subtitles. Really nice movie! Hope there'll be a second part of the movie. It's really sad for it to finish like that. The ending is kinda rushy. I want the movie to continue and continue. Non stop.

My internet suddenly slow down a lot. It's like super slow. Sigh. I called TM people and they said the US cable or something like that got problem. They say about 2nd May only can finish repairing it. I told them other people can go in and everything why only mine cannot. Reasons banyak banyak =.= Even opening a website take like a few mins. Facebook also the same. Sooo long to open. I hate that.

Yesterday, went out with dad's friend for dinner. Eat steamboat at Butterworth. Dad's friend fetch us there with his new car from company. Nice car but kinda huge. Hope dad will get his old car which is much much better than his current car. Noisy engine =/ It's so expensive and the food is only some normal food. Not anything special. But the soup is really nice to drink. I only drink soup. Shake head. The rest of the food doesn't suit my taste. Those pig parts and things. So... Don't know how to eat. Wasted. Went to AEON after that. Walked around and then bought sardine puff to eat. The food can't make me full. Actually can say I didn't eat.

Enjoy the rest of the day! [=

Smile and smile [=

2010-04-18T21:06:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2010-04-18T21:00:00.001+08:00

I give back P1 W1max already. So sad. Streamyx is really so sloww. I'm trying to get used to it. I keep complaining to mum that she scolded me for rushing =/ Ugghhh. I know I always rush when I want to do something. I hate it when they say think first think first. Then they'll definitely forget about it. That is why anything to do with my family I have to ask them all the time. Like maybe every single day. If not, they'll never put it on mind. Sigh. Sometimes I really do things to rushy. I should stop the bad habit to prevent me from regretting. I have myself to blame for this. Hmm.

Satuday was fine. Stayed at home the whole day. I downloaded a game. It took about 1 day plus to finish downloading. Really so slow. I'm so into the game that I don't care about the people around me. About 4 something in the afternoon, P1 people came to my house area for roadshow. I really pity them cause no one actually walk near them and ask them anything. They don't even have a chair to sit and rest. All they do is stand and talk to each other. Luckily the weather that day isn't that hot. They were there until about 6plus. It started raining so they went back already. I wonder did anyone walk there and ask them. Hmm. At night, we wanted to go out for Domino's. The heavy rain stopped us.Then, dad asked me to call them to deliver it back. I was into game so I say I don't want. He went to the website and tried to order but because he was new so he has to fill in the forms and bla bla. Ended up, we go out eat. I hate going out during rainy days. So yucky =/

Today, dad wake me up for breakfast. Our breakfast is like 11 plus. =O Then his friend came. With his girlfriend. He's very funny. I can talk to him easily not like his other friends. Maybe because he's quite young so I feel normal talking to him. The whole time he was there I laughed non stop. Funny guy. Hmmm. He's like SOOO TALL. I feel so short standing beside him. Back to home, his friend teach him how to use Iphone =.= Sound so stupid to me. Seriously.. He keep complaining about the phone. I got a feeling he will let me use his phone and then well. Somehow exchange phone. Everyone in my family got a hp now. Before this, only dad, sis and I got hp. After buying mum a new hp, everyone got hp. Look like the house phone is gonna be lonely. Haha. Argues with dad. Then he say he don't want to buy me car already. Bla bla. Everytime I make him angry he'll take this matter out =.= Really irritating at times. Sigh. That is why I don't like to wait for them to buy me things. The main reason why I want to buy laptop using my own money [=

Just now, mum asked me how am I going to college. I say drive there and she say your dad say he doesn't want to buy you car already. I ask them don't break promise and then she say I break promise. I don't think I ever say I promise them anything. Gahh. Hate them at times. Why can't they just keep quiet?! I'm trying to be very patient and trying to chill. I feel I'll burst one day. *Chill chill*

Puffy bite me just now. I feed them with cucumber because Goldie eat cucumber super fast. Then, he'll take Puffy one away. Leaving Puffy with no food. Bad boy. I always scold him that =D

Climbing up to reach the cucumber up there

Stealing Puffy's cucumber again

Searching for more food =D

The first time I got a nice picture of him =D

2010-04-16T09:25:00.002+08:00

I feel like cutting my hair short. Hmmm. Should I cut it? I know I'm only asking for fun. I can never cut it. Can't do it =/ Maybe I love my hair too much. I never cut it short before except when I was young =p That is not what I want. Parents cut one so.. I think I prefer long hair but the weather is really killing me. Sigh. Hot. Anyone wants to help the earth? trying to save the Earth but it's so hard. Hmmm

I'm still waiting for Tony to come and fetch me to P1tstop. I have to give back W1max already. Oh no. Back to the sloww Streamyx. *shake head* I'm so used to the 2.4mbps W1max that my current Streamyx speed is like tortoise. Ughh.

*He's a SLOW COUCH and always late*
*Shhh. He doesn't know this -.^ *

Grrr

2010-04-15T20:38:00.001+08:00

Parents can be so annoying at times. Damnit.

Today I got scolded like million of times and also hear them mumble. Grrr. I hate it when they start disturbing me with their talkkkkkkkk.

Ok. I gotta chill now. Sigh. Pity my sister got scolded like crazy because i asked her to come and choose present for my mum =.=

Oh well. Then I should try to chill before i burst and scold them =/

OH MY GOD

2010-04-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

i am finally updating my blog. miracle!! i know I've been ignoring my blog since like months ago.

I'm updating my blog with my new laptop -.^ so so so sorry to Dahling and Hung Mei. now you can read it already. It's gonna be full of words.

so now, I'm confirm going in to Penang TARC already. Now waiting for my car to come. Me new car =D Actually not really new it's secondhand car. I'm so happy cause I got a car, laptop and also GUINEA PIG.

Talking about my guinea pig makes me feel happy. =D They're the cutest thing on earth and I love them [= On the 13th of March, I got my first guinea pig. Her name is puffy. Then a few weeks later, I went to Ee Ling's house with I-Lyn to fetch my another guinea pig back. I-Lyn is the first person to sit in my car. As in my driving. Luckily I'm a safe driver =p Right, Lyn? =D I introduce the male one to the female one and in like less than 5 minutes he was making love with my Puffy already. Ee Ling, I-Lyn and I were watching them like...... He is sooooooo GATAL *shake head* I decided to name him Goldie cause he is kinda gold in colour.

This is their new house after I put those PVC pipe up [=

The black nose one is Puffy and the one behind is Goldie

Proceed to my laptop. My laptop reached my house when I was out. I reach home and ta-da. My laptop. Pink colour =D My favourite colour.

Working
I work for London Weight Management. With I-Lyn. We reached there late. So yea... As usual le. Then, what we do is sit and sit. I wanted to approach the customer but end up sitting cause I don't know how to approach them. After lunch about 4 something, a girl came. She took our things then she start checking. We looked at her and then she say she's the supervisor =.= I was like okay we're so dead. She was there until we finish job. She say if we can't sell one voucher the company have to fire us already. So, forced to work. Stand til leg pain and she still don't want to go back. At the end of the day, she say tomorrow we don't have job already =O

After that, P1 W1max want to hire me. For PC Fair. So, I went for the training. I know 3 crazy people namely Kent, Tony, BGal (that's what Kent ask me to call him). They're very funny and I start to talk to them after awhile. Thanks to Kent now my name become Chanel. Start working on Friday. The job isn't easy. Standing there is really hard. Leg hurt. Back hurt too. Sigh. The first day I managed to sell one. I saw Eu Ern and Jimmy there. I smiled to Eu Ern and then Jimmy asked him LOUDLY, why you two didn't talk one. I was like =.= I didn't talk to him you also want to worry. Same goes to second day. Pei Ying start working on the second day =D Got friend already. We don't even have some time to eat. Every time we eat, Kent surely call and ask where are we and stuff. Grrr. Not blaming him. I know he's doing what boss asking him to do. Third day. Lots of people and I didn't wake up on time. I wanted to go bathe time Tony and Kent already waiting for me =/ So, I rush like crazy. Really tiring. Sigh. I managed to sell three on the last day. Kinda proud of myself but overall sales wasn't that good. Eat with boss and also all the colleagues. After finish eating, boss started scolding. Sigh. Most of them didn't manage to sell any. Somehow I feel it's really hard to do sales. But when I tried to pull customer in to P1 booth, the comment I got is P1 sucks, no line, got already, I want to terminate =.= This is the very common one. There's a girl. I think she loves hair band. Three days with hair band and the second day and last day with her super huge ribbon hair band. All she do is stand and smile. Guess what. She got the top sales for the last day!! She don't even ask customer. Luck is on her side. Sigh. No luck for all of us.

I just got bite from Goldie. He's a bad boy =( Bite me.

* I forgot the part that the Supervisor of London Weight Management ask me to go work for them back. She was there at PC Fair. She saw me then ask me work back and ppk P1 =/ *

F***

2010-01-13T04:53:00.000+08:00

guess what. i saw him with his gf. when i was on the way walking to work. he was walking the opposite direction. he saw me but he IGNORED me. plus he walk pass me without even looking! damn him. arghhh! hate him. ignore me. i stared at him!!! i hate him so much. ignore me. i regret knowing him! how can you ignore someone that you know? he ignored so many people. if he's blind i can forgive him. but he's not!! ARGHH. don't want to talk bout it already. he is STUPID. got gf already want to ignore me.

today all the buses are late. i think they woke up late. hmmm. all of them are pigs! =D luckily i'm not late for work. working already. bye

2010-01-11T06:56:00.000+08:00

i'm having bad feelings. blogging from my office. my senior not here so i can go online. actually she doesn't care as long my work is done on time =D let's talk bout my feelings. i'm talking to this person. everytime i online i sure talk to him one. either he come and talk to me or i talk to him only. well, it feel normal talking to him of course. sometimes it reminds me of other things. i don't know why but maybe because they're related? or somehow there's just this very weird feeling. as if i'm talking to him. he even asked me a very weird question. maybe i'm having weird feelings after all. i don't know why i always have those feelings. it's kinda bad. the feeling of my heart got pricked by some sharp things, squeezed to hell. and sometimes the feeling is so bad that i feel like vomiting when i look at foods =.= i feel so stupid seriously. arghh!

my office is cold. freezing. today it's cold. usually i got no feeling. like no air cond. hmmm. i'm currently addicted to the song shuo huang and 第幾個100天.

hope my bad feelings will go away soon =/ bye. need to start working already

MSN bullying me

2009-12-21T12:18:00.000+08:00

WTH is wrong with MSN
even yahoo messenger is killing me
i want to online
i'm pissed of with this computer
plus! no JOB yet
means NO MONEY
i need to work to buy laptop!!!!!
anyone tell me what to do with MSN
hate it =(

UP

2009-08-23T10:37:00.000+08:00

UP! the movie is nice =D i know it's a kiddo movie but the cinema is FULL! i like the boy and the dog. talking dog. so cute. i wonder what will happen if reality there's a dog that can talk. i think i'll run away if there's a dog that can talk. the scenery in the movie is nice. especially the waterfall ^^ and the movie is super funny. laugh the whole movie

i like the bird. colourful =D

cute lil boy *pinch pinch*

2009-08-09T07:10:00.000+08:00

just a short post.

trials is just around the corner. i am so not ready yet. playing around, watching movie....... the list go on.... and the worse is i dream of someone. someone that i should not dream of. it's weird to dream of that person. i woke up feeling scared. i even dream i became FAT~! well the fact is i'm fat already but in my dream i'm fatter. i think obese already.. uuuhhhh. scary. i even dream of my friend commiting suicide. i'm having all weird dreams. i used to complain i can't dream when my friends tell me about their dreams. hmmm.

*never say you can't
*it will come true

2009-07-25T09:00:00.002+08:00

boo. it's been quite long since i last update. i sleep at 3 am and woke up at 7.30 am. and i'm still quite energetic now. can't be hyper. go botanical garden jog. and eat mint and chocolate ice cream. make pei ying and eunice jealous =p early in the morning eat ice cream. then went to pulau tikus market eat and bought DOUBLE BERRY organic biscuits. YUMMY! i suddenly feel bad. weird huh? i don't even know why i feel bad. i wanted to write something but i feel bad. never mind. i shall just write what i feel. my dahling will understand who i'm writing about. =)

there's this person. i shall name it 'IT'. IT is annoying. not to say super annoying but still annoying =/ IT like to tell me about IT life. i mean i don't want to know and i'm not interested. IT keep on telling me about things i don't wanna know. true we have nothing to talk and message about so yea. IT will tell me about IT's daily routine since we have nothing to say. yesterday my cous called. and she say you'll feel that person concern about you when you like that person. well. it's true. not gonna continue =D

i got lots in my head but suddenly it's all gone.

it's the end already. and i guess you are enjoying your life now. i'm happy to know you already move on. but what hurt me the most is you can't even remember me. how can you forget about me that fast? i still wonder how they do that. i want to learn. i delete all the pictures already. except for the group picture. that will be a very memorable picture. you use a very lame reason to stop messaging. that is the end of another sub chapter of my life. i will tell you the truth one fine day.

i just realise i didn't talk to someone for a very very long time already. didn't even saw you. are you still in penang? didn't see you online for so long. hmm. i think you and your girl must be very happy.

there's another annoying person. but i don't want to talk about that person. lazy =) bye...

i wish i didn't say that*
no use regretting*

2009-06-08T17:19:00.001+08:00

am i really that useless? they want to use my things they should ask my permission first what. they take without asking. want to wait till she go bus only tell me is it? some people really.... speechless. they're wrong but still don't want to admit they're wrong. they still feel that they take already only ask only correct. she say i wear her clothes. ok i don't wear. NEVER TOUCH HER CLOTHES! if she ever touch mine then i will surely say her. you idiot! want me to die then kill me le. so scared for what. your own husband want me to die why must i kill myself? ask him kill me ler. i don't have any sins. he got only what. why want kill myself when there's so many fun things for me in this world? you all will REGRET for treating me like this. you WILL! oh. i asked him can come out or not cause i was so sad just now. wanted to go somewhere. end up sitting here =.=

today colour guard is quite ok. everything goes well. no more all those bad bad things happening. so i am kinda happy. should be not going tomorrow thanks to THEM! never mind i will rest at home. very long i didn't rest already. school homework. didn't even touch it. cool!

i don't know why i feel that i am stupid. and how to trust a person? can someone tell me? i mean it's like i trust this person but at last end up hurting my friend. i thought that person will treat my friend very good. i see from the way that person treat my friend. look so good and everything but end up that person lied. go have fun first then only come back. how clever....i am wrong for trusting that person. that person is just the same. same species.i wonder how many things they are keeping from us. i think they are happy hurting people's feelings. i got this case. a guy that marry already. got a kid and a pretty girl. that guy is about 30 years old plus already. he want to chase a 20plus girl. age difference is not a matter but the guy is MARRIED. how can he do that? he even got a kid already. and a pretty wife. wtf. really no brain this kind of people. i hope that girl know how to think. don't destroy their family. think of the kid.

*i will try not to think about it anymore*

2009-06-07T06:22:00.000+08:00

change of plan. i did not go out with sophia that day. hmm. again. we can't meet. that means i didn't drink. =.= busy with colour guard prac nowadays. dark already =( sad. i see problems now. hope it will be ok soon. i'm so tired. everyday prac. i can feel muscle already. muscular hand. scary!

yesterday it's 6/6. went out with pei ying after my tuition. we went to QB. before that, i reach early so i walk with my parents first. i don't know if it's him or not. i think i kinda saw him. the hair style and face is so like him. but the banner block his face and he is like the opposite side. i feel that my eyesight is getting worse nowadays. =/ i don't dare to go there and see. i don't know what to do if it's really him. and i'm sure my mum will ask me lots of ques. tried clothes. all like shit. who ask me can't grow taller. so short wear any clothes also look ugly. oh well..

i want to ask him. but i don't know should i or not. he took my quiz in facebook. got the highest among my friends. he know me more than my friends. hmmm. weird. he only know me for like 2 months only. actually less than that. i kinda miss him. i don't like the feeling. gonna remove it. i need a removal to remove all this things. bad bad thing. my love quote is "hold me tight and never let go". the quiz that i took in facebook. 突然好想你 =(

*pray that everything goes well*

2009-05-27T18:28:00.001+08:00

one more day left~! i'm not studying. spend the whole day sleeping and sms. haha. when i came back i expect my hp to be like no message at all. i on my hp and there's 7 messages for me to reply. i was suprised but i did not receive message from the one i expect to receive. nahh. ignore that. i kinda expect that already. it's okay. life still goes on. my heart is crying but i can't cry.

the plan to go out tomorrow is successful~! last minute plan. haha. pei ying and I was sms-ing. then, she say her sis wanna go redbox so i said i wanna go too. then the plan came in. i'm going after my tuition. sleepin over at her house. =D going to Gurney watch night at the museum 2. enjoy after exams. weee~! i'm looking forward the coming holidays. it'll be a very very busy holiday. after 2 years, i'm busy again during holiday. oh. i bought my prom dress already. guess how it look like =p i like the white one but i really look like i'm going to marry in it. so i did not buy that.

this coming saturday i'm going out with sophia. first time going out with her. excited. going out to drink. i don't know where is that place but i think i can guess it. going to talk about our problems. i wonder what happen to her. i don't like the feeling when other ppl is in trouble. i feel sad too.

*not thinking of him, trying to ignore him*

feeling stupid

2009-05-26T12:10:00.000+08:00

my hubby is beside me right now.. haha...we going to be in the ROOM later... ONLY two of us..sound wrong? yes i'm les =D no one will believe it i think. haha.

well. i'm down now. as usual. i hate those feelings. i wanna ignore it but i can't. i need to find a way to make me delete all those... i shouldn't ask that ques. now i make myself down when exams still going on. i'm seriously.... useless? i think i am....i wanna shout. i wanna enjoy. my brain is not functioning. can't study. i wanna go out till late at night. who can follow me? hantu =.= i don't know what to post. will update when i feel like it.

*i wanna enjoy my holiday without thinking of that*

2009-05-01T07:18:00.000+08:00

hi ppl. i don't know why my mood is so damn good now. i feel happy. feel like smiling the whole day. hope later on nothing will spoil my mood. it's labour day. so Happy Labour Day to the workers. enjoy your day ^^

now someone spoil my mood. ughh. why is he lying to me? babi. i should not care so much. he got NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! *keep on remind myself tat* =( feel a bit hurt. i guess i'm kinda used to it already. everything will be ok after this. woohoo! don't think about it. think other things. like going out today=) i shall just chat with him as a normal friend. must not expect that he will change. haleluya! i make myself gone too deep.

georgian fiesta. he brought chocolates. a box of ferrero rocher in a pink love box. the school is full of people. so damn hot eh. the place is like in microwave oven. you can see everyone's clothes wet. haha. about 1 pm went to prangin with jo n wei. walk till 4 something. fetch wei back home and then we went to queensbay. EE meet us there. and he have to pay for everything i buy that day. wakakaka! cool right. i know i'm bad. who ask him to lie to me? lalala. then we went back. he fetch me back. and he bought a bouquet of flowers for me =.= 9 pink roses with a pair of bear on top of it. i already know he is going to give me that. i just act suprised. and when reach home i rejected his flower. he is forced to take it back cause i say my mum will kill me if i bring it back. haha. we talked in the car for about 10 minutes plus. i told him why i don't want to accept him. i think he understand already now.

now my mum don't let me go out eat with jimmy =.= she say it's my bf. she don't believe i say it's jo bf! gosh. kek khi. never mind. i don't care about that part. now making ppl geram. this is so fun! =p

*study study*

2009-04-10T17:46:00.001+08:00

i'm at home. alone! woohoo! my mum lecture me. hate it. i must make sure i study hard so that she can just keep her mouth up. she like to compare me with other people. if i'm clever then don't have to compare already what. stupid mia. i on the song loud loud so that i can't listen to her =p i was so angry so i don't want to follow them out to eat. hehe. i must make sure i study hard so that she'll just keep quiet and let me do what i want. i stay at home and eat chocolate. all because of them!!!! don't wanna eat the chocolate eu ern gave cause it's too nice =D so ate other chocolates. i wanna buy kinder bueno. it's cheap!! 3 for only 5 something i think. i realise i eat lots of chocolates this year. don't care fat or not ler. chocolate is yummy. make me feel happy. oh. they ask my grandma call me. ask me what i want to eat. babi people. don't know how to ask me r. ask grandma. babissss!must not angry because of this.

pei ying came to my house today. we played badminton. for 2 hours! cool but tomorrow muscle sure pain. before that, we went to buy presents. we still owe ze her present =/ ishh. one month plus already. and all those sorry for the late pressie. hehe. monday having badminton competition. i know sure no hope already. they play us. let us play with the pro ones. NOT FAIR! i guess nothing is fair in this world. crap! thunder.... =/ tomorrow is a school-ing day. prefect not in school. after school, py and me did something. then a form 1 student came to us and ask me if i'm from sggs. i ask her why. then she say you're not supposed to bring this. i said after school already what so what... she said she's a prefect then i just walk away. stupid ler. if she's really so semangat of the school rules then she should not take off her name tag after school! wait till in car or reach home only take off. this kind of ppl really no brain. form1 only dare to say me. not even prefect wanna lie and say. think i'm stupid is it. form 1 got prefect? nonsense.

chemistry folio. must must must finish up today! i hope so. i got a feeling i cant finish it. hehe. do my best ba =)

*study study*

=(

2009-04-06T13:17:00.001+08:00

now my dahling (eunice) is playing april fool with me when it's not april fool. she used eu ern's name cause it's her first and her last name. u can see what she wrote in my chatbox under eu ern's name =/
ish ish ish! i was so down the whole day. yucks. i nearly cried too. wonder why i do.... bad sign bad sign.
dahling please dont play that next time. did u know lolly nearly cry. i was thinking how eu ern can write it when he's not even at home. and everything doesn't make sense. now that i know the truth it makes sense already =D
everything is fine =)

py and me went to tourism club. full of erm.......... i shall skip the part. the activity was super fun but the environment is =/ oh well. lots of work and because of the chatbox thing i'm here blogging. it's good right? my hubby (cynthia) is still sick. she didn't come to school today. aiks. make wifey (me) miss hubby only. hehe

last weekend was busy. saturday i slept at 1.30 am and woke uo at 4.30 am. cause cheng beng. woohoo! was so tired after that. went home slept. my phone seriously is so stupid. ish! i hate it. saving money to buy a new one maybe. i keep tell myself i should appreaciate what i got. i can't do it. *it's a present so you should not expect more than that* keep on reminding myself. ughh. bye people

enjoy life to the fullest =)

*study study*

2009-03-22T08:51:00.002+08:00

i didn't blog for so many days already. lots and lots thing to say. i think i shall shorten it. =) lazy type so much. i not yet even finish my homework! shhhh.... the essay! ish ish! i don't like that essay. stupid you!

friday, 20th of march 2009
pei ying came to my house. before that, i went to bank to change my bank account to another bank. but the damn bank is closed. sad. have to wait till the next holidays only got time already =( i reached home late. make peiying have to wait for me downstairs. paiseh! went upstairs and we start reading 'The Pearl'. finish up our presentation. and we sat there talk for i think 1 hour. then, we went downstaris. play badminton. i was perspiring so much already but she not yet even perspire. we continue playing for an hour i think. didn't look at the time. after that, we went up to take key to ride motor! =p it's fun. sadly the motor can't start. and both of us don't have such strength to carry to motor up to put the stand. when my mum came back, she asked an indian uncle help. he look at the battery then he look here and there. at last he can start the motor! pei ying and I was so happy. my mum ride one round then came back. i ride for a few rounds. when my mum went up, pei ying dare to ride already. i was so scared she'll knock into the car or fall. scary. but after riding a few rounds she's ok already. i'm proud =D i'm the teacher. after that, we went up and take my bicycle. we ride all the way up to the new block. when coming down, she was so fast. it reminds me of my brother. that time when he got accident because he ride to fast coming down from the hill. i keep shouting. ask her to slow down. i'm seriously scared. after that, we ride to penang hill. took pictures there. lazy upload. so i shall upload next time =) pei ying went back about 6 something. that's the end

saturday, 21st of march 2009
today is Flag Day. we ( jing min, pei ying, me, cynthia, june and kah mei) follow jing's car to pulau tikus area. it was raining so everything is wet! yucks. i hate it. luckily i brought umbrella. we walk around asking for donation. june was so semangat she went under the rain just to get donation from the passer-by. some was kind some will say they already donate. after 1 hour plus there i think, we walked to the gurney area. went into the coffee shop to ask for donation. there's one uncle he was good. i wanted to ask donation but i scared he won't give. so i did not. when i walk pass he was holding and folding a RM5 note. so i thought maybe ask. he really want to donate that RM5. he thought i don't want collect from him. thank you uncle =) we walked till the last coffee shop then we walked all the way to gurney. on the way, pei ying and I found 2 bucks on the floor. so we picked it up and put in the donation tin. we sat in front of secret recipe for a while. then went in McD to have my breakfast. we sat there for quite long. gosip. fun. we played truth too. after that, jing and kah mei went to change clothes. kah mei super sexy owh. =p we walk and walk finding present for ze and also jo. *what to buy* after that, noel come already. so june go away d. left jing, cyn, py and me. we walk. and walk. no direction. then jing's mr teh came already. so left py, cyn and me. we went down buy 1901 hot dog cause py not yet eat. after that, we sat down and talk till 12 something. bomberman is here. *that's what my friend call him* bomberman is eu ern =.= sat there till 12.49 we went up watch 'race to the witch mountain'. nice movie. we fetched me back to hq. saw june n noel. noel said i'm lansi =( paiseh ler. i'm like that eh mer. =/ i walked to chung hwa. they followed my back. it's so weird! that's all. oh. i forgot. bomberman gave me a present. my 'breaking dawn'! thank you so much eu ern. that's the end.

need to eat my brunch and continue my homework before i die! bye!

2009-03-17T21:32:00.001+08:00

joalin's birthday party suprise is fun. lots of suprise happened. we reached early. sat there. damn hot. we went to the beach and played a while. then i start eating cause i'm superb hungry. eat twisties cause hungry. wow right? haha. wei wanted to go to toilet so me and becky followed her there. we walk all the way to paradise hotel for the toilet. luckily the guard there let us pass =D on the way there, we saw jo. her bf did not tell us they're coming already. so it end up not really a suprise =/ when we came back from toilet we wanted to pull jo to the water. she don't want to move =( we have to pull her all the way down. she's only bit wet. so we keep pulling n pulling. she ran away but i can chase her. wakakakkka! *crap i feel bad. i'm crying not bcos of jo's thing* after playing for hours we went for a bath. in an old yucky place. eewwww! and 1 buck for bathing. the place is so dirty and they ask for 1 buck. ish! waste of money. after tat. cake time! cake for jo =) we went back for a bath then went out again for pizza. =) yummy. i got scolded by my mum and then i was so angry i drink a lot of carbonated drinks. then mushroom soup pop in front of me. thanks to eu ern. i just only knew. we took a group pic =) wait i forgot to mention. wei's house the lobby there lots of cockroaches. we're like jumping around but becky is so cool! she got no reaction. weird weird. haha

berry, eu ern, nikki, jimmy, joalin, soon wei, me =)

hmmm. i feel better after saying thank you. i thank him for the break up. i'm weird. really! i just feel i'm weird. that's all. i got the answer now. although my heart did break a bit when he said he on with her already but. i still have to wish him all the best. i think that's all i can say. why think so much when there's so many option in front of me? why think of the one that already don't want you and break your heart already? am i right? =) wei xiao pasta reminds me of xiao yi xiao mei se me da bu liao de =) keep smiling. i just have to remind myself that. life is fun. and seriously i'm enjoying it. i wonder why he so suka have gf? oh well. none of my business i guess=D i got the answer. curious. oh oh oh well....he keep wishing me all the best. i will seriously go crazy. grrr! this post is green cause it has something to do with him. so it's green which is his colour. i think =D

this is about wei and joalin. both of them keep on wishing me luck! gosh. i'm really so so so bahagia! so many ppl wish me luck n best but i'm here complaining. hahaha. weird right? i'm always weird i guess. bye ppl. it's late =)

2009-03-16T08:15:00.002+08:00

yes! today i'm going out. nose bleeding. scary =( erm. now at soon wei's house! hahhaha. she's currently changing clothes. but she lazy so i'm gonna help her change later. cool right? kakakaka. i love her dog. but he like to lick me. becky is combing her hair. i still remember last time i was combing my hair so i ask wei help me reply my message. then she go type i'm bombing my hair instead of combing my hair. the receiver was shocked! hahhaha. her dog is in here now. and becky is screaming 'NO!' funny k. hhahhah. will continue the story after this. jo's bf frens is fetching us later. paradise beach =]

yesterday was relay for life. i spend the night out. on motor. round nearly the whole penang. i reach youth park at 6. i was so blur. everyone is wearing purple shirt except for me. weird huh? i wait for pei ying to come. after that, we just sit and talked. at bout 9 something i went back. cause my hp no battery d. want to charge hp. and 14 of march is my sis's birthday. so went back sing a birthday song for her. i not yet buy present for all of them! sob sob. i wan cry d. later on, i go back to youth park at about 11 something. then, we sat there for a few hours. at 2a.m. we went out. go eat nasi beratur =D cool name. after that, we plan to go to beach. so ride all the way to paradise beach. reached there. the place was seriously so dark. they don't dare to go in. cause we don't have torch light. i can't even see a thing. super dark. i want to go and look at sunrise. but the whole thignnwas cancelled. oh well. that's about it. reach youth park i went to play swing. was so tired so i slept. for a few hours. =( about 10 something went back, go makan McD. fat fat =D slept in car on the way back home. then, i did not sleep till the next day 12! haha.

2009-03-06T10:03:00.001+08:00

harlo!!!!!! there's this guy wrote about me in his blog. i don't know his name. but i know he's eunice's friend. it's so weird he wrote about me. but i know. my story before this is a bit erm. stupid. he wrote about me but i don't know what to write about him. at least there's something about him. i want to know him in person. it's cool to know someone like that =D

talk about 2/3/2009.
i went to gurney. wanted to watch 'love matters' but it's 18 and above. tried to went in but that idiot human don't let me and pei ying go in. he want to check our IC. i told him i forget to bring and he say he can't let me in. so he changed to another movie for us. erm. 'kung fu chef' quite nice the movie. then, while the idiot guy stop us from goin in. i saw him. with that GIRL! he walked in and i saw someone i knew. i turn and saw him. he saw me too but he walk too fast can't smile. but somehow i don't feel anything. i mean i've been wondering how to face this situation for so long. i saw him and my reaction is nothing. no actually i feel a bit geram. but i think that feeling only last for a while. i enjoyed my day as usual. his existence with that girl did not make me feel moody or sad or what i feel before this. i'm PROUD =P

EXAMS coming!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm dying. it's just another 3 more days. and i'm here blogging. can't study. the gina'ssss very noisy. grrr. don't like them here. make me can't study. i must work hard this time. i must not get bad results!!!!!!!!!!! i must try to get at least A2 for all the subject. no, must get 70 and above. must not get 60!!!!!!!! arghh! work harder! GAMBATE GUAT PHING! you can do it =) i'm talking to myself. all the best to myself

2009-02-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

ok. something weird just happen. my godbro go crazy. he ask me to argue with him. our argument topic is argue! lol. it's really funny

ARièl says:
lol
lai sis
we argue also
LOL
charmaine says:
hahahaha
wat to argue leh?
lol. we dont have anything to argue
ARièl says:
lol
argue bout...
arguing
HMPH
sis!
i ask u to argue u dont wan argue
wats wrong la
!
argue also wrong meh
tell me wats wrong la
LOL
siao mia
charmaine says:
cham liao bro crazy
i dont wan argue cannot r?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
haha
cannot!
charmaine says:
argue very fun meh?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
nid to argue!
yes!
charmaine says:
why cannot?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
cause i say cannot!
charmaine says:
not fun also
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
fun!
very fun
charmaine says:
why bro say cannot sis must listen leh?
no not fun. sis say not fun!
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
cause bro is elder!
bro smrter
smarter*obviously*
LOL
charmaine says:
no! sis smarter k!
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
fun la
more chi kek
charmaine says:
perasan bro!
hahahahha
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
haha
high 5!
we did it!
we argue!
LOL

that is our argue part! lol. really funny ler. we argue about argue. hmm. deep. hahahaha. only crazy ppl like my bro n me can do that =p

2009-02-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

i just realise that my life is miserable. i'm sad all the time. i never feel happy before since last october. i wonder what will happen to me if i continue like this. will i go crazy? i want to drink. i will bug my cousin to bring me go club drink. if i got caught by police, then say haleluya to me! as long as i can forget about all those sad stuff. I DON'T CARE! i guess i changed since the day he went away. i start drinking, my attitude changed.... or mayb i'm still the same? i don't drink. this is my first year drinking. hmmm.

i feel so bad. i know you care about me. i'm really sorry to treat you like that. i told you i don't want to have bf now. i don't want take other guy to forget him. that's not the way. you are a good guy. why don't you just go and find other girl than wait for me? i don't know how long i will take to forget about him. you did so much to make me happy but i have no feelings towards you. i really don't have feelings towards anyone now. i'm bad. i don't want to stop talking to you cause if i do so i will feel bored. i'm so BAD! i'm a bad bad girl. sorry sorry sorry. maybe i should stop talking to him. he bought so many things for me but i can't find a way to say no. if i say so i will break his heart. gahh. if i accept he will mistaken. this is shit! hate all this. i know i treat you coldly. i don't want to. i treat you too good you'll put more hope. i will not accept your presents anymore. this valentine's gift will be the last! i must do it.

2009-02-07T21:23:00.001+08:00

stop thinking

do not think

you think too much

it's not true

your mind is playing you

he doesn't care about you

he love other girl now. not you.

STOP THINKING!

that's one of the reason why i seldom online

i will surely think till i cry

i hate this feeling but i have to go on my life with it

he is the sun and the girl is the tree. the tree needs the sun to survive.

i need him to survive too. but he doesn't care.

2009-02-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

wine = fun

drink it fast = cold. ice in the body

drink more = liver cancer (that's what he say)

at last = waiting for my liver cancer to come (he doesn't care, so?)

while drinking = i have fun. i go hyper, talk nonsense, stop thinking about the sad things

parents = mum don't care, dad scold =.=

friends = pei ying will tell my parents if i still continue drinking ( i drink without their knowledge =D )

him = doesn't care. no reaction.

effect = face turn red!

now, i sprain my leg. i can't walk. it hurts. =( stupid leg. all the time. wonder what's wrong with it. maybe my legs are not strong anymore. i shall go check when my mum agree. she doesn't care about me. today i start drinking some erm. nutrition juice. i wan to grow tall. getting fatter thanks to CNY biscuits.going to school will help me become thinner.sad more will make me even thinner but it's bad for my body. homework is tonnes. wonder when will i finish it up. keep on piling up my homework is not the best way. shall do more homework to forget things. lazy =/ i must go on with my life. hard. i feel erm.... *speechless*

<3

2009-02-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

everything he said is always in my head. i only have to read it twice and it will stick in my head already. i still remember what he said to that girl in his message. the girl must be very lucky to have his love. i am the one who doesn't know how to appreciate it at the first place. i should not complain so much. i just hope everything can disappear. what cyn said is right. i did not delete everything about him that's why i can't forget about him. can i delete it? i know i will regret if i delete it. i'm not letting any guys know more about me. i keep everything to myself. i don't trust any guys. i know some of them just want to help me but i really don't want to accept it. i'm scared. i'm so sorry if i hurt any of your feelings. that is the best i can do. i keep say i want to forget about him but actually i don't want. the memories are too sweet for me to forget and delete it. i don't want to let other guy take over his place. and i don't think any guy can ever take over his place. sometimes i'm so disappointed with myself. i'm just making myself suffer. how can i ever forget all those sweet times we've been through. it's so so so so sweet that i can't delete it from my head.

P.S. you don't know how much pain i'm in. it's easy for you cause you're the one who ask for break up.

history text book

2009-01-08T18:00:00.001+08:00

he came to my house to pass to me his history text book. he promised to give me the book. so... i thought i already forgot part of it about him but when i saw him my heart straight away break into pieces again. i really feel so sad now. i know i should not be like that. i'm trying my best. i guess i still need more time. why is he so hard to forget? i should not be sad anymore. i wish i could be stronger. i don't want to cry but i can't control it. is it so painful when the one you love go away like that? or i'm the only one that feel so? haih.

i feel pain again

2008-12-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went out with him. i cried when we're at beach. i don't know why. everything is going to end soon. i don't want to cry anymore. i don't want to feel pain anymore. i want to be like last time. my heart feel so pain now. i know he moved his hands away so that i can't hold his hands. i know it. yeap ken min. you're right. i am stupid. the world stupidest girl. i told myself not to cry anymore. i can't. my heart is pain. there's a bee here and if it were the last time me. i would have run away. but now i'm here blogging. i'm not sure why. it's like i'm not scared of anything anymore except the word 'break up'. that's all i'm scared of now. i want everything to go back to normal. will talk more about the outing next time. he's busy with that girl's birthday. so i can't disturb him. cool right. that's what you call a deal.

P.S. everyone deserves a second chance. if you can have 4 chances why can't i have another chance?

PAIN

2008-12-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

why is my heart so pain now???????????? i don't want force him do things that he doesn't want to do. i don't want to cry anymore. i want to smile. i want to be happy. who can help me? what can i do? what should i do? anyone there to save me? i just want to spend more times with him before i can't do that. why can't i have it happily? why must my life be like that? why must i meet him? i don't want all this. why did i trust him in the first place? why am i so stupid to give him everything? why did i listen to all his words which is liesss after all? what is he trying to do with me? is he trying to kill my heart?i just want him to come back that's all i ask for. is it so hard to fulfill my wish???????

15th of december

2008-12-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

it's our anniversary. which doesn't exist anymore. and also eunice's birthday!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! i'm so so so sorry i can't go to queensbay. you know my mum. she don't really like me to go to queensbay already. remember before this we said that when it's ur birthday it's going to be our 3years and 5 months anniversary. but now, there's no more anniversary. i look to the future too fast. i even bought a present for our 4years anniversary already. how stupid am i?eunice, hope u are reading my blog. did u have fun? how was your birthday party? must be fun right? so sorry i can't go =/

4 more days. he will be my bf back. until the 1st of january 12am. then, i will have to start a new year with a new life. a life without him. can i go through the year or not? it all depends. it will be the toughest year ever. a year without him, SPM year, pressure year, have to accept the fact that he's going to be with another girl.... all that. it's going to be so hard. i have to go through it alone. everytime i see a guy that has some of his face structure or his hairstyle i will definitely look at the guy. it's like looking at him. how can i continue my life with this? i am just looking at the guy because he look like him. gosh. what is wrong with me? i want to forget about the past. i want to lost memory. i don't want to remember anything about the past.

i want to buy colour contact lens. but i guess it's expensive. never ask the price. don't dare to ask. =D tomorrow going back to school to buy exercise books. after that, i'm going out with soon wei. going to prangin. no money. can't buy much already. mum scolding me cause i bought a lot already. ben asked me to go to his church concert this coming friday, saturday and sunday. who to go with? at dewan sri pinang... christmas concert....

2008-12-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

i went out with him on the 11th of december 2008. ate Kim Gary and watched the day the earth stood still. i got scared by the sound. suddenly something come out mia sound. you know right the sound. after watching movie, we went to a place. sat there and talked. i don't know what we talk about. but i know whatever we talked about also there's part where i'll laugh n there's part when i nearly cried. but i didn't because people around there, i don't want shed another tear in front of him anymore, and i'm wearing makeup. we talked about. a lot i guess. i don't know it just feel good talking to him. but after that, when i have to go meet my cousin i feel really very sad. even it's only 4 hours together, but i feel that it's very very enough already. i'm greedy. i want more than 4 hours. i feel sad n my tears dropped. one drop only! that is not crying i guess. after shopping, reached her house. i went in my cous bedroom. i feel very weak. heart is like so weak. i cried. sorry =( i tried to sleep but i can't. so i went to take a bath and i feel much better. i bought a short pants at queensbay. i miss you

p.s. i wish i can be with you longer. but i will definitely treasure our every last moment.

question

2008-12-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

i just realised a lot of people ask me this question. "Will u still accept him back if he come back to you one day. Eventhough he treat you so badly now." well. my answer is " Yes. If he come back i will definitely accept him back. I love him" and they all just say no medicine for me. hmm. is it wrong? i really do love him k? he can treat me badly. but the love just won't go away. he can have feelings for other girl. he can flirt around. he can remove everything about me from his life. eg. he deleted all our pictures. the video he did for me [luckily i still have a copy of it], he changed his bed position [well, you all can see from the older post what memories we have on his bed], he did not wear any of the necklace that has anything to do with us [eventhough he don't like the one his friends bought for him during his birthday (not his style) but he wear it cause he say no necklace to wear already] i will still love him.

friends... u all can say i'm stupid. but that is love isn't it? look at the pic up there ^^^ memories. there's too much thing that happen in that 3years and 3 months relationship. did anyone of you have that long relationship before? there's still something that is in my heart. the things that we plan. will it come true or will it be a dream in my heart? we planned to go australia after finish college. we plan what age want to marry, have baby. how old our baby will grow and we can enjoy our life. he open his restaurant and i will be the restaurant accountant. our future house. he bought a jigsaw puzzle and already stick it up for our future home. then, he said his grandma got a collection of rings. that ring will be for us to wear next time we marry. we wanted to go Genting Highlands to celebrate Christmas together. we wanted to go Bukit Merah and swim together. we wanted to rent a place to stay. at night we can go somewhere sit and look at stars together. he wanted to bring me to seberang shopping mall [he say it's not true] before he ask for break up, he wanted to bring umbrella for me cause it's going to rain already. and i'm walking to my friends house. he planned so much but he ask for break up. i really don't understand what he is thinking about..... and last year. he asked for break up. now he say last year he wanted to break up is because of he want to be single but he pity me that's why. but last year when i asked him why he want break up after we ok already, he say he scared he can't give me a good shelter and stuff. but i know last year reason is the real one. this year is the fake one. right???

p.s. yeap ken min. i hope you will be happy if that means i have to be sad. xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo 15times of _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ _ for you

scold

2008-12-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

please don't scold me for running out of house to find him! i know it's dangerous. but i said i will do anything for him. so i went there. i know it's dangerous k. i brought a weapon to protect myself =] the pen he bought for me. laugh at me =/ i should bring something else. cause that pen is supposed to be something that won't make me feel scared. understand ler k all my friends??? =( you all should know how much i love him. i know i'm stupid. don't scold me k? sorry sorry. i'm safe already so don't angry. smile smile =] teddy. i know it's dangerous ok? don't scold already. yea the guard really miang mia. but he's there so i'm not worry anymore. don't worry k teddy. =] and to the rest of my friends that i said sorry the night i run from home. the mistake that i did is run from my house. i know you all will scold me. so i just apologise.

p.s. I'M SAFE ALREADY ALL MY FRIENDS =]

lies=liar

2008-12-04T21:18:00.003+08:00

since this post is going to talk about his lies then i shall put his favourite colour. first lie. about his friends and family list. he said he deleted my number from the list since the day he ask for break up. i thought he really deleted it so i did not say anyhting. the day when i go find him. i checked his friends and family list. my number is still there. i didn't you know say him there. i just say him through messages. he say he already lie so he have to lie till the end. i have nothing to say

second lie. he say. he won't fall for other girls. maybe I'm stupid to trust him ler. at last also he fall for other girl. a girl that is not his taste! hah! he don't like girls with no fringe. girls with short hair. and now she fall for this kind of girl? *speechless* when i say that girl no fringe, he say she got fringe just that hide it. and that reminds me of something he say. " the ppl that got fringe they pin it up or hide it, better don't need to have fringe easier.they pin it up or hide it is equal to no fringe already what. no need waste energy to pin it up ko save money don't have to buy pin" maybe you should say that to that stephanie. *laugh* [there's this stuff. well. not to say bad. but i a lot of ppl say she's not pretty. and say it's unbelievable that he like her. *laugh to death* then, there's someone say i should feel proud, another one say his eye something wrong if like her, another one say she look fat]

third lie. i ask her is he and that girl more than friends. he say no. friends only. after that, i ask him again. he say yes more than friends. i was like. what the hell. and he say he thought that more than friends is still friends but sms more than normal friends. well that's correct but he say no. he is twisting everything around. and at last say is he interprete wrongly. what a good reason.

fourth lie. i ask him nowadays he sms a lot also right. he say NO. yesterday i ask him again. he say yea. so i say why before this i ask u say no. his answer is now only sms so much. last time really not that much. yea right! if not that much why someone say that he sms a lot. such a stupid reason.

fifth lie. there's once he can't receive message. so i called him. and ask him he's in class is it. he say yea in class straight away say bye and off the call already. so i thought he's in class don't disturb him. but i feel weird. if in class why so noisy. and the environment doesn't sound like in class. and also in class why no line. after that, my friend smsed me and told me saw him at gurney. i was like. he just told me he's in class. i asked him again. he say owh. really? i heard wrongly. i thought you say not in class. cause i was rushing to go eat and there noisy.

sixth lie. he promise me and his mum he will be a good guy. seems like he is saying another big lie again. last time he is really a good guy. but now his attitude changed. he is not the yeap ken min i knew. his mum must be disappointed to see him. he is not a gentleman anymore. he changed to a hot-tempered guy. a guy that do not keep promises. lots more.

seventh lie. he said he want to save money. that's why he sit that girl's car. and he don't on air conditioner when sleep. but he is wasting money on all the movies(it's not a waste if the movie is really the ones that you like to watch but in his case it's not) and also on laptop the whole night because want to listen to music while sleeping. the lie is he did not sit the girl car because want to save money.

8th lie. i ask him he like to watch twilight or not. he say don't like. that day when i go find him. he told me that he watch twilight already. i did not say him face to face. i say him in message. as usual i'm a coward =/ he say it's because nearly all the movies he watched already. so have to watch. lame reason. watch already can don't want watch mia what. *shakes head*

i just realised i forgot about another lie
9th lie. i said i wish i can celebrate christmas with yeap ken min every year. then he said sorry cause he not celebrating it this year cause he's working. then, that tuesday when i went to queensbay to find him. i asked him again he not going gurney to celebrate christmas this year. he said nope he got other plans already. but he just said he won't be celebrating it. his reason is he say he will go after work. wont't be going to gurney. another lie. say won't celebrate christmas. now say not going gurney to celebrate. haih

10th lie. last time. he said he got a crush on a girl. then he show me the girl picture. but it's not that girl. another one. liar. then. after don't know how long. i say he not loyal cause he sure must been fall for the girl when we're together. then he say. no he is loyal. he just got feelings towards the girl. whoa! what a good lie. first crush now feelings. he don't even know he got crush on her or any bit feelings towards her.i really feel he don't even know his feelings he already forced himself to make a decision.

p.s. be the good yeap ken min back

let him go =]

2008-12-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

i decided to let go already. i can't do anything anymore. this is the only thing i can do since he got feelings towards that girl. but all those lies. i'm really disappointed. why must he lie? he can don't love me he can hate me for what i did =/ but why lie? about his liesss. i will tell in another post. i am addicted to the song love song by taylor swift =]

We were both young when i first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did i know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So i sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo, i was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When i meet you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me i've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? i don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all i really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both so young when i first saw you

i don't know why i'm so addicted to it. one of my friend ask me to think deep why i like it so much. well, i guess i am just hoping for that to happen to me. cause the first part really sound like me and him. not a lot. quite =]

let's talk bout few nights ago. on the 1st of december i run out from house. to go find him. he is working until 12.30. so i run out from house 9.30 pm. walked to padang tembak and waited for bus. and that time i was perspiring like hell but no tissue. i have to use my hand to wipe it away. =/ bus came around 10. reach prangin and waited for another bus to go queensbay. 10.30 another bus came. reach queensbay at 11pm. i walked and enjoy the view there. cause that is the first time i'm there alone and queensbay is closed already. i walked to starbucks and peep at him. for so long. i was so scared he will saw me. so i hide behind a wall. then, suddenly i need toilet. to go toilet i need to pass starbucks and he was there. so i used my weapon. long hair to close my face and quickly walk in. i think he didn't saw me. oh. and there was this guard. keep talk to me. gahh. he saw me crying =/ asked me why am i so sad? why i cry? haih. he asked who am i waiting for. i say friend working in starbucks. then he ask your boyfriend is it? i was like erm. no friend only. then after that he saw me. he called my name but i don't want to look at him. i don't know why. then the guard was like. ei your friend calling. after that, the guard scared already. he asked me wil he be angry. well, i don't know so i just say i don't know. then, he didn't talk to me already after that. i mean the guard. i think he's scared. waited for 1 and half hour there. finally, going to 12.30 am. before that, i went in. i wanted to buy some drinks. he was busy making some drinks. didn't saw me. another guy there say they close already. i walked out. he still haven't saw me that time. after he saw me, he want chia me a drink. it's green in colour but i don't want. i don't know why but i keep walk and walk and walk. and the tears keep drop. ='( nearly 12.30 am i saw something like his car. i went down and look at the car plate number and! his car. but inside so many ppl. i thought his mum is at turtle land what. where can be so many ppl in car? maybe his dad with friends. when he came out, i'm supposed to talk to him but i end up erm. didn't talk. i lazy type already. he called my sister number and parents came. i still wanted to talk to him so i asked my dad to bring me to his house. i know i'm crazy =/ but at last i did not talk. ahahhha. laugh at me. go back get a good rest. and the next day went to queensbay find him again. this time with mum's permission.

p.s. i may let you go already but my heart still love you. still hope that you will come back eventhough it's impossible.

how do i feel today?

2008-11-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

i don't know. haih. i found out something. won't be telling here. will just keep it in my heart. he is working now. i don't want make my blog sounds like a sad blog. but =( my heart isn't helping. what can i do. haihs. i cried in school. because erm. i think i miss him. and everyone around me ask about this and that. i can't take it. so i cried. i just miss him so much. memories. ok lets start from. how we meet. did i wrote about this before. i don't care. we meet erm. during this band thingy in youth park. i'm in band. and he went there with his frens. to watch or something like that. i realised he was there. cause my friend know one of them. from my tuition. i don't know when we met. ok. continue. evrything was erm. ok. then at night i got tuition. this fren told me that he say i'm pretty. then i don't believe him cause i don't know why he don't sound serious so i look at him with the eye. then. he told me again in a serious type. well that time i can't remember how he look like already. i just remember his sling bag and his pants same colour. cool right the way i remember =p everything was normal. then went to school. my friend ask for my number. i told her that i'm going to change number already. she say it's ok after change number only give her the new one cause she need it for some band thing. and then. at night. someone misscall me. my brain told me that there's 2 possibility. is either my friend that ask for my number or him. i was like keep thinking. what if it's him. what should i do. but how can he get my number. i can't really sleep. the next day i reach school straight away find for my friend and as kabput the girl's number. she say that girl won't misscall other people. so i was like. OMG! don't tell me it's him. so my friend and me was planning the whole day. how to call that person and ask. i asked my friend to help me cause my number was out of credit =] she sms that person. tuition time. i reach tuition. open door my friend ran out and start saying stuff that i don't understand. after she calm down then only i know that she's trying to say it's him. i can't remember what's my expression already. that's all for today. continue soon. boring story for most of you. it's a memory for me.

today working was a bit hard. cause they let me be cashier in the liquor and wine part. then i was like so blur. don't know where's all the stuff. tomorrow working again. 12pm =( oh. and there's a crazy indian man. he scolded one of the wrapper or something cause they don't want to give him another extra plastic bag. really stupid. now want to save world use less plastic bag he want more plastic bag. crazy man!! he just bought 4 bucks plus mia stuff and he want an extra plastic. he shouted and scold so damn loud that the whole process in Sunshine stopped. everyone's looking at him and he scold even louder. he keep repeat what he say. like. you tak ada brain. den you tak sakit hati i sakit hati. 4 ringgit you tahu tak. and bla bla bla. and then this supervisor in the liqour place. he really. ishness ok!he keep calling and talk on the phone. don't know what business also. and then. when everyone close only he come and count my money. damn him. make me so so so damn in hurry. so i just do everything. and he angry cause i press the wrong thing. damn him! who ask him so slow. he think i'm like him so free. i want to be fast that's why. ishness mia really!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy 3 years and 4 months anniversary my dear. it'll be so long already if dear did not ask for break up. there's something that i want to give you. i know u don't want it so.... will just keep it.

p.s. I STILL LOVE YOU MY DEAR. je t'aime cher pour toujours.

still feeling pain

2008-11-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

this few days i start crying again. i don't know why. i miss him. i miss you dear. wherever u are. do u know i miss you? i want to keep my promise. one is the one i make with him. another with my another friend. i don't mean to do that. i just feel pain and that can make me feel better. really it does. i just miss all the moments we spend together. i want to hug you dear. hope dear exam is ok. good luck for your exam cher. i don't know what to post. cause now no matter what i write is sure sad stuff. i read all the messages he sent just now. in the morning. i didn't go to school. boring. got very bad position in the whole form. but good already ler for a girl who did not study. miracles. where is my dear? i want to put up all our memories here.

i short 75cents today. because of the uncle. stupid mia. go give me 10cents for what. oh. i'm working at sunshine farlim. until 18th of november. then i'm going to gama already. cause there i can get more money =] my ear hurts. don't kn0w what happen to it. aahhh. i don't care anymore. let it be.

p.s. bébé je t'aime cher pour toujours

i'm back with an empty and lonely heart

2008-11-12T21:50:00.003+08:00

yes. i blog again already. a lot of ppl start complaining about my blog. i just feel sad! real sad. anyone that can cure me? haih. why must it be so painful? can't it be easier? can't i just use an eraser and erase it away from my memory? can i? i can't. i love him. with my whole heart. i already take him as my first and also the last bf. and also my future husband. i love you dear. wherever u are. i know u don't like it. i didn't write that for fun. now winter is not warm anymore!!! it's going to be cold. with my lonely n empty heart. waiting for him to reply my heart. it's already the 16th days since dear ask for break up. when will dear come back? dear don't let talk about the past. what am i supposed to do? i love you still do love you. forever will love you. baby will wait for dear. if dear ever change mind. i'm here. u guys may think i'm stupid to wait for him. i know but i know it's worth it. i am waiting. waiting for miracles. christmas without dear will be so not fun. i know i control you too much dear. i want to do something to it. i hope i have the chance. don't tell me to do it for my next bf. i don't want!

p.s. I LOVE YOU YEAP KEN MIN!

WOOHOO!

2008-06-26T21:05:00.000+08:00

ok. i know i'm crazy=p erm, i think some of them know why i'm so happy. right? well, if they do read my blog. i know i haven't blog for quite a long time d. like i've disappear. i just feel lazy to blog. hols is as usual over very fast. i got lots of pic to post up. this is all the pic i took during the 2 weeks holiday. fun fun fun. love holiday. after that, there's mark. arghhh. i'm just so disappointed with most of my marks. i feel..... oh god. the pics is not working. yay. it's working. i'm feeling real sleepy and the pictures are playing me. it's already about 1 a.m. and i have to go to school tomorrow. aaahhh. who cares

he look like he's gonna eat someone

tired face after the long queue just to buy ice cream

baskin robbins! the ice cream. after it melts

what does this remind you of? pastamania? actually it's nando's =p

a bit blurred. still can see our face

us again. in secret recipe waiting for.

tada! chocolate indulgence. our trademark. just jk

the ship can ask for help. but the meaning is the most important

look at the card. i love it =)

his bed =p

his room on his bed =]

i know you all are bored of my face.

bread. we toast it. and also as the last pic for this post

today is already the 27th of June. time is moving faster than i thought it would. my mum say thweek the time is like moving slower than usual. she wants the time to move faster so that i'm older and she can rest. =( i don't want. i don't want to be old and i don't want to be young. if i'm old, there's a lot of things that i can't do anymore. if i'm too young, my mum would not let me date a guy =(

i think it's really late already. i should sleep right now. if not i'll be sleepy tomorrow. night everyone.

P.S. i'm on his bed doesn't mean anything. DO NOT THINK NONSENSE

2008-05-25T08:39:00.000+08:00

friday i went to i-lyn's house after add maths tuition. actually we wanted to go to batu feringghi but i-lyn's mum khi siau. hahaha. so can't go. went to i-lyn's house and then she cook for me egg. i don't know she can cook. hahaha. at least she cook better than me. if i cook i think the egg will become like shit. and then, i went to her room. play her violin! so proud cause she say i'm quite good for a beginner =p she's a scary teacher. she'll kill me. i'll post the video up even though i say i won't. don't worry. you'll be famous. if anyone read my blog. hahaha. sorry. i played twinkle twinkle. hahha. but it's like shit. but at least i can play right? my hand feel so pain after holding it. maybe i need to use a smaller one since i'm so small. it must be very cute =p and then, the next day. my shoulder there bone feel pain. i think it's because of the violin. bad bad =D

so saturday is june's birthday party. i can't go. because last night when i want to go to i-lyn's house and actually my mum don't let. i want to go. so they have to come fetch me. and i get scolded from my dad and mum. i think my mum get scolded from my dad. that's why she's not talking to me in the morning =( but after that she seems a bit better. she talk to me. but in a very. i don't know how to explain. scary =/

think

2008-05-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

when you note 'thinking' and similarly with visions or images, you should pay particular attention to the contents of your thought. you should just note that there is thinking. if you were to go into the contents of your thought or whatever you were thinking about. you will end up thinking more. i get this thing from one of the temple i went. hahaha. but i feel it's true. don't think so much. hahahaha.

wesak day

2008-05-19T08:30:00.000+08:00

hmmm. today i'm supposed to walk wif ze they all. but erm. i don't know. i feel so angry after reading someone's blog. so i decided to walk with my beloved. at least i don't have to feel angry. hahaha. i think i can't continue to treat everyone the same anymore. not as if they appreciate it. if they know how to appreciate then i will treat them the same. but too bad i can't anymore. they blame me for changing into the 'act cute' attitude. if i really change to that. then, what's the problem? it's not a bad attitude also. they don't like me becoming like that then they should tell me instead of talking bad about me behind me and act good in front of me. if i don't like someone, the way i treat them is not going to be the same too. so, they can't blame me if they say i changed. is because they making me hate them. that's why i changed =] oh well. i'm not going to try to do anything. i will let this go as it is. and if someone wants to talk to me. then, they can. they can tell me what they don't like about me. put as anonymous. i won't know who is that anymore. if you feel that it's better that way.

angry

2008-05-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

i'm so damn angry right now. i just read someone's blog. and there's this thing. that make me so damn angry. she expect me to talk to her when it's not my fault. she started it and she want me to come talk to her. and she say i ask my other friends to go talk to her. i don't want to talk to her because i don't care. if they want talk to her then they can talk. i don't care. i'm angry that she say i should talk to her. why not she come and tell me what she hate about me? she said i change. it's my problem i want to change or not. it's my life. why should i follow what they want me to? i follow their way i'm like becoming their dog. if i really changed, then why no one ever tell me. why only a few of them say about it? i want to be what i want not be what they want me to be.

2008-05-04T09:38:00.000+08:00

OMG! exams is coming. i'm not ready yet. form 4 is such a tough year. so many things to handle yet so many problems happen. i want to go back to form 3. no. i don't even want to go back to last few years life don't say now. is this what life is for? i wish my life will be better when i grow older and when i learn more of life. there's so many things to fight with. especially time. when you lose it, it'll never come back. i guess that's why nowadays people die at a young age. that's it. i hope i can make things go well by slowing down the time. sometimes when i want the time to go slower, it'll go faster. when i want it to go faster, it'll go slower. sometimes i'm so angry that i scold the clock. and then, i realised the clock can't listen because they don't have ears. example today, he's supposed to come to my house. i woke up at 7.15. then, he didn't wake up. so i fell asleep. and by the time i wake up it's 11 already. such a waste!. my mum came back at 12. i was so disappointed. i cried. not really ler. a few drops of tears came out. i prayed to God. because i want the time to go back to 7.30. then i realised, if the time really went back, then all the people that's working and everything. it'll be a big problem. huge mistakes. and i know God will not help me so i give up.

i'm using skype now! so fun. hahahha. as if. i don't even have a headset so what's so fun. i just have a webcam. anyone that have skype add me. guatphing =] have fun for the rest of the day. smile always. and think the positive side of life.

master bedroom XD

2008-05-03T02:10:00.000+08:00

while i study, i think of something. i dream a lot when i study. haih. that's why i can't finish studying all the time. usual me =] i'm wondering why master bedroom is big and have toilet. then, something came up. i think it's because of erm... they have sex then, they need to wash up and everything. so i think that's why there's a toilet in master bedroom. but what if they do not have? ok. i'm starting to talk about toilet. why? i think i'm bored of studying. since i can't study. i shall talk about master bedroom's toilet. if master bedroom is without toilet then, after they have sex they must come out from the room and clean. i think last time people lazy to come out from their room after having sex that's why nowadays there's toilet in master bedroom. it's not i want to think nonsense. i'm not dirty minded. i'm still a human. human do think about all this things, right? xp pr i'm the only weird one?

exams coming and i'm still busy watching movie and going here and there. i'm worry but i don't seem to care about studying. something is not right. i won't feel worry last time. wehn i'm in form 1, 2 and 3. even if it's few days before exams, i won't feel scared. i just feel normal. now i changed. i feel scared. one week before exams i start worrying but i'm not studying. it's a good thing right i feel worry before exams? maybe there's good and bad for being worry. the goodness of being worry is i will study and i won't flunk. my mum will be happy i get good result. if i ever =] the badness is i will have more grey hair before the time i'm supposed to have it. hahaha

there's this friendship problems again. i think i'll just go on my life as usual. this year. a lot of things changed. people around me, tight schedule even i'm not in band anymore. just imagine if i'm in band. i don't think i'll be able to handle the stress. about friendship problems, i will keep it to myself. i will not say anything. they can do what they want to and say what they want to. i'll be like what mama say. neutral and think the positive side =] and my life will be much easier. hope so. i will treat everyone as usual. and forget about the past. i hope i can. i will think about that after exams.

P.S. the ones that think i like to act cute, i'm sorry i did not act cute. that's how i am and i don't like people who act cute so why would i be one. =]

peace. holidays coming soon. i'm so happy. not really. nothing much for this holiday. hope i get to go out more often.

labour day

2008-05-01T13:38:00.002+08:00

i'm not in the mood of posting up anything. i feel like going to KL on my birthday =) hope my parents can make my wish come true =( but i don't think so ler. haih. pray pray pray! high school musical on ice mia thing is there on my birthday =/ i want to go. go for fun ler. hahaha. or maybe some artist going? i don't know. i'll see how ler then. wish wish pray pray! i feel like going out now. i don't have the mood to study! i feel like going out and enjoy myself =(

feeling sad

2008-04-25T03:14:00.006+08:00

i don't know why but i'm sad. he say he is going to australia after finish studying. i cried. i don't know why. but the tears just come out by itself. weird right? i feel that i really cry a lot. feel like a baby. i should be happy he's thinking about the future. but i don't want him to go so far. it's very very far. =( i said i want to go to KL after form 5. for college. i'm not sure about it yet. that is if i get scholarship. then i'll be in college. if not i have to study form6. haih. why is life so difficult. i just wish that i don't have to think about anything. be a baby. cry and what i want will come true. easy life isn't? if i'm sad then he'll not go. if he don't go, then he'll be wasting about a year waiting for me to finish my college. i can't be that selfish. but i really don't like the feeling of saying bye bye to him. haih. to my darling. sorry. i'm being selfish. i'm a bad girl.

today is my dad's birthday. made him a card and his present is i don't know. i just woke my sis up. she's buying him a pen tomorrow. hahaha. i'm so bad. =p luckily she's not that blur yet.
i'll end it here with this picture of myself.

suddenly feel like take pic. see my calculator?

i feel so much better now. i MUST let him go. DO NOT feel sad and make him don't want to go. i know i can make it. if he really love me he won't do anything wrong towards me. well, i think so. he's still a guy =]

tagged by joalin and wei

2008-04-22T18:27:00.001+08:00

joalin and wei . click at my friends there
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.

2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.

3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.

4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

OK? All set?

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaarto!

-fact number I-
i love my darling

-fact number 2-
i'm a lazy girl. love my bed

-fact number 3-
i want to read people's mind

-fact number 4-
i love rabbit and puppy

-fact number 5-
i'm sick right now

-fact number 6-
i want to be taller and thinner

-fact number 7-
i hate school. i want to have freedom.

-fact number 8-
i want to remain every single person that's in my life now

i won't tag anyone =) because i think everyone been tagged already. i don't mind if anyone wants to tag me

sick =(

2008-04-22T17:53:00.001+08:00

i'm sick! i went to school. and everything was ok. pj teacher asked me a question that is real hard! i can't answer it. haih. then, before recess i was really very hungry. so i drank water to keep me from feeling too hungry. luckily today we went for the first recess. after eating, i felt even more pain. i drink some hot soup but it doesn't work anymore. i went up to class and pack my things for history. i can't pack. it's so painful. but i still have to pack. after packing i'm really in pain. so i called my mum. and guess what! she say she'll come fetch me at 12. i called her that time it was 11. my tummy is killing me and she ask me to wait until 12. how nice of her. by the time she reach. my tummy felt better already. she asked me this and that. when i reached home, i didn't bath. i straight away jump up my bed and slept. i just finish having my lunch. my flu and throat is still in a bad condition =/

yesterday is my mum's birthday. nothing special happen. oh! my dad send my mum a message. hahaha. in the message is happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday DARLING. hahaha. not as if i don't receive that kind of message ler. i don't know that my dad knows this things. my mum keep smiling. hahahaha. at least she's happy. we went to TGI on saturday to celebrate my mum's birthday. i wanted to ask them to sing a birthday song to my mum but my dad don't allow me. so i can't. i feel so full. but my sis, as usual ate everything. after that, my dad is not in a good mood. before going out, he's in a bad mood too. he scolded me because i wear high heels =/ i don't see why i shouldn't wear it. i was angry then, when i got home i asked my mum. if he don't like me to wear high heels then why he have a daughter. my mum did not reply me. she just keep repeating have daughter have daughter have daughter. i got fed up so i went in. i did a card for my mum birthday. hahaha. it's ugly! i don't think my mum care =p

i'm having flu. can't type much. pictures can tell more than what i type here

it's supposed to be a suprise cake. but my sis n bro told my mum =(

ugliest card ever =p

me and the birthday women (mum)

me and my dad at TGI

tag

2008-04-19T02:04:00.001+08:00

sorry joalin. late already and i feel tired and sleepy already. so i shall tag next time =p i have lots of history to complete so, i don't know when i'll on my com again.

musical drama

2008-04-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

as usual, i'm lazy to on the computer and blog =) today is PC fair! i want a camera. but my dad say he don't have any money already. arghhh. i wish my parents is richer. then, i won't be having any problem buying anything i want. there's this musical drama. performed by my school students. well, i'm not involved =] obviously. i went to watch the drama. just only came back. it's quite expensive. 20 bucks. i like the 30 bucks ticket. i'll show why i love 30 bucks ticket more

this is why i like 30 bucks ticket. =]

than 20 bucks ticket =] they say it's for the cancer patient. so, i think it's quite worth it even though it's boring. i ended up going out from the hall and went in his car. the last 15 minutes. then, there's this motorcycle. he keep riding back and forth. we were so damn angry! i think he have too much money for his petrol. but in the middle of the play, there's someone that's playing with their laser. they're so damn bad. when they play with it, the rest of the crowd laugh. i feel bad for the people that's performing in front. they must feel real hurt. even i'm sitting behind, i can feel the pain. i think they must be even worse. then, he met his friends there. start talking to them about how's the movie and the singing, band and etc. they say the singing is bad. no offence. but i sort of feel hurt. well, it's still my school right? the drama finish at about 10. 05 p.m. i follow rebecca back. her dad come real late. quite ler. about half hour later, so i get to talk to him awhile. =) we were like telling each other who we know. then the teacher's i hate. after that, haha. i know that we're bad. we start criticizing the people that pass us. about they dressing, shoe and ..... i'm not that good in dressing things. my mum always say i'm out of fashion =( but i can see some people that really look pretty. i'm used to look at them in pinafore. seeing them in other clothes is kinda weird. there's this guy. he wear a shoe that's really funny. hahaha. i don't like that shoe. i don't mean to criticize him but i really don't like to look at time wearing that shoe. even my own brother is wearing that. i don't understand what they see in that weird shoe. my shoe is nicer =p

look at the white pants guy shoe. i hate that shoe. i think he should learn from his friend =)

joalin's hardwork. and wasting of ink =)

look at the insects! it's so. i feel so itchy looking at it. scary!

my mum take care of gina's. then, there's one day, i'm scared of insects. and the fake insects look real. then, tis lil boy he took the big black ones and throw it at me. i shouted. and he laugh! i was so angry. then, the lil girl took the fake insects and throw it at me. i scolded her. and everytime she is about to come near me, she must put down the insects =)

i took this picture yesterday. not a nice pic =]

suddenly, i feel like taking picture. so this is the result when i feel like taking picture. it's an ugly pic.

my name on my leg

did this in school. feel bored. and i have 4 chapters of history to finish due this tuesday!!!!! i'm going crazy but i can sit here and do this. hahaha.

and about the singaporean. they! arghhh. they cancel my name, mama's and also cyn's. we wait until 3.30 p.m. for that. and then, she came and tell us that we're not in anymore. i feel so paiseh and stupid. i feel like killing them!!!!! she said she wrote the message on board. then, our teacher is teaching and i don't feel like going out again. so we decided to find for her the next day. she did not go to school. so this is what happen when you put too much hope on something. i was thinking.. at last~!. i get to go in the airport. but.... i know i'm weird. never go in airport and sit aeroplane.

that's all =] i should continue my history maybe tomorrow =] hope i won't be lazy to on the com again.

2008-04-14T19:27:00.000+08:00

i went to ze house yesterday. i wake up at 8. and then i eat some biscuits while listening to songs. i get ready at 9. i wake my mum up and she wants to sleep. she's very very tired i think so. cause yesterday she slept at 12 something nearly 1. she can't sleep late. she don't want to wake up but luckily, the phone rang. someone wants to talk to her. i really thank that person for waking her up =] my mum ask my dad to follow her go and then have breakfast. that time it was already 9.15 a.m. already. i was so mad cause my dad still doesn't want to brush his teeth. i shouted at him. not really shout ler. i said i'm late already. that's why i'm angry. when i reach ze house it's about 9.30 plus only. and no one reach yet. i don't know why i rush also. haha. pei ying and june reach ze's house about 10 something. we rest awhile then start cleaning her house. not really clean ler. it's just hold the broom and take a pic. i forgot about the reason i go to her house. we want to take pictures of us doing kerja amal. it's for moral. after that we start doing our essay. before that, we play mahjong. a chinese game. i want to play. i asked my mum to buy. i'll wait for it. i'll beg till she buy it for me =] before doing essay, we have some mushroom soup. it's instant mushroom soup so it's not that nice. some weird smell. but still. mushroom soup is always yummy. we started doing the essay, halfway through it we decided to cook spaghetti. haha. i feel hungry talking about spaghetti. i didn't eat anything for lunch. before cooking it, we went in ze's room. june go crazy and pull everyone to bed. haha. she tickle everyone. then, we tickle her back. she's dangerous. she use her leg and kick everyone there. haha. after that, we cook spaghetti.

let's look at some pictures =)

the meat for spaghetti

future housewife cooking (ze)

i'll ask for the pillow fight pictures from. i don't know who has the pictures. after eating, we head to GP. ze's erm, someone fetch us there. i can go up the car without knowing who is that. xp not as if he can do anything to me. but i'm in a car without knowing who's driving it. =) we reached there nearly 2 pm. we decided to watch awake. but we don't even know what movie is that. hahaha. we bought children's ticket. haha. luckily we look like a children. u know. small size and everything. hahaha. actually i'm not small size. is i'm short. hahahaha. i lazy post up the pictures. next time. watching the movie near the ending, june went out. noel is there. she wanted to meet him. so we watch without her. after that, she called wehn the movie finished. she said she's at A&W. so, we went there. she sat there without ordering anything. keng right? haha. after that, she ran away again when saw him pass. ze followed her. so only left me and pei ying. after about 10 to 15 minutes, pei ying and me went up to meet ze. she asked us not to come out cause she wanted to drink the root beer. haha. we told her that we drank finish d. haha. she was sad =) she really love the root beer so much =p three of us bought the same thing. it's nice.

before opening.

nice right? after i open. haha

after buying the hp case, we went to secret recipe. we ordered oreo cheese and chocolate indulgence. after that, we crossed the road and went to the beach side =)

look at the sea. it's so dry. me n ze =) and then, the sky!

another sky! hahaha.

after that, we went back to GP. i bought something for my mum. it's a perfume. it smells nice =) after that, ze dad reach already. i followed ze back then about 8 my mum fetch me. then we went to midlands for the popular sale. at last! my mum bought for me harry potter story book =] gif my mum a kiss. after that, we went for dinner and went back. i was so tired and straight away fall asleep. that's all for 13/04/08.

today came back from school. there's bio topical test. i think i fail the test already. i can't remember a single thing i read =( i know i'm in big problem. and there's this singaporean coming. this wednesday. my friend and i are escorting them to everywhere they want to go. i sat in front of computer since 3 already. hahaha. mum start nagging already. haha. =] he's here already! hahaha.

2008-04-10T20:45:00.000+08:00

well. this is my second blog already. i'm really disappointed. i just post up a poll. tell me what is all of you all definition of a true friends. i really hope i can know what is the real definition. i got a friend. i know - since std 2. and that is when - make me cry. i can't remember what happened that time. it's something that's very bad. i still remember i hide under the teacher's table and cried. it's so embarrassing. i decided to forgive -. and we were best friends. and then, now this happen. - did something that i'll call as backstabber. maybe - think it's not but i don't think - definition about backstabber is same like everyone. i have no comments about - anymore. just hope - will change =) if - still the same i'll not say anything about it anymore.

so there is love. i have friends and i have lover. i don't know how to say it. it's just a stupid arguments. i don't understand why u know. guys don't know how to read girls mind =( is this how all couples go through? i guess it is ler. i can't think of anythin right now. i'll post up soon. i just came back from KL. and i'm still left behind. KL trip is from 3rd-6th of april. it was fun. spending more times with all my friends. i really have fun. hahaha. i hope the trip will never end. love it so much. love spending times with all my friends. they're just so wonderful. and also my beloved hubby. he's the best.